No, no, she is clearly old enough to know not to put food in her mouth that doesn’t belong to her. She is using big words and walking on her own and everything. And even if she was having a rough day and so had regressed a bit (it happens to all babies when they’re tired and stressed), her caretakers should have…

You really could not possibly be more wrong. But you’re also obviously a troll, so you’ll just be dismissed from here on out

We refer to ourselves as the Fighting Squirrels. And tend to make jokes about how squirrels crack nuts. (We’re a women’s college.)

Oh, I get the angry part. I just wondered about the squirrel part. My alma mater’s mascot is a squirrel, and we tend to be pretty rabidly loyal and have a bit of a squirrel obsession after graduation.

I don’t deal much with United, frankly. And it’s quite possible that they don’t train their customer service agents well, because that’s what that sounds like. So, maybe one of them will see this and take it to heart. It’s stuff that needs to be remembered by anyone in customer service, just as those of us on the…

OUCH.

Where did your handle come from? Inquiring Minds Squirrels Who Wear Pearls want to know.

This could probably make for a good article, yes. But this isn’t really the way to pitch it. The better way to go about it is by contacting Jez through the tips line (from the “How to Reach Jezebel” portion of the site):

Wow..... your world has no actual relationship with reality, does it?

All pageants are not created equal. But there are lots of things that the pageant circuit can help young women learn that classes can’t, ie, poise, public speaking, grace under pressure, that kind of thing. At this point, it may be a bit antiquated, but there was a time when they truly did serve a purpose. And while…

Well, he’s certainly sexier when I can’t see his eminently punch-able baby-face.

DUH

Get yourself a ghostwriter, Scott. Feel it out. See what happens

*sitting back and waiting for the people who don’t realize this is a joke*

Actual portrait of Betsy Ross’s original design.

BUT DID THEY PLAY LIGHT AS A FEATHER, STIFF AS A BOARD, CONSULT THE OUIJA BOARD, GIVE EACH OTHER MAKE OVERS (yeah, obviously not, given the after shot) AND LIP SYNC TO WILSON PHILLIPS!?

OBVIOUSLY, wearing the flag is only acceptable if it’s a string bikini.

Yeah, I was thinking that something about that whole story just felt extra-intrusive. I mean, we practically go into the bedroom with couples and speculate on their sexual habits, but somehow that feels less intrusive than this story about two people who seem to have things to say to each other but can’t. idk

Exactly. Who knows? Neither side is really giving a very full picture, and considering the world of academia, there is almost certainly something else going on, somewhere. It may be as simple as that she’s just difficult and her colleagues don’t want to deal with her. It may be that she is focusing on methods that no…

Since when am I defending her? How, exactly, is saying that there is more to the story than either side has said a defense of one side or the other? It’s quite possible that she has done something that they can’t pin on her enough to fire her for so they’re grasping at whatever they can. Thus, the bit about not being…