shify1
The 'Burbs
shify1

I can only assume you store them next to the severed heads of your victims as this is clearly serial killer behavior.

Now I want some fresh McD’s nuggets but they got rid of hot mustard I can’t do my sweet and sour and hot mustard combo so what’s the point?

Flaps around empty?

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“Also, Supperware products are ideal for storing leftovers, to help stretch your food dollar.”

Was that before or after he said I am the Walrus? 

yo what the fuck

Every once in a while...it’s a dildo. Of course, it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, “a dildo”, never ... your dildo.

The face down one where you can get a full view of the half head really *chef kiss* makes it.

I had a friend that, I swear, used to sleep with a doll looking like that even when she was in High School. She had the doll since birth, it didn’t have any arms or legs anymore, just a greyish face and trunk, it was never washed, and she’d put THE THING righ beside her shoulder under the blankets.

This one. It looks like it was part of a nuclear bomb test in the 50's, then left to rot in the desert for all eternity.

“And when I say brother, I don’t mean it like an actual brother, but in the way that black people use it. Which I think is more meaningful.”

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Anyone who thinks spears are better is a goddamn lunatic. Too much pickle. The breading falls off before you finish it. Invites double (and triple)-dipping. It’s supposed to be a shared appetizer. Serve it like a goddamn shared appetizer.

Oh my god. What monster fries a whole pickle!?

Chips all the way. If you’re going to fry something, you might as well maximize the fried surface area. Plus, spears are multi-bite, so you’re radically increasing the likelihood of pickle-breading separation. Which would be sad and illegal in 12 states.

It’s too bad that Sam Darnold isn’t a grown man who can speak for himself...oh, wait.

Yeah, Italian food is usually the safest bet for a sit down restaurant, with the exception of getting it in 99% of rural neighborhoods. That’s the kind of shit that Henry complains about at the end of Goodfellas. Egg noodles and ketchup.

What’s that,  a vicodin between two xanax?

Like every other American, I tell them the tallest height I think they’ll believe.