“I like people who *weren’t* killed by a raving maniac who was inspired by my own racist tirades.”

Well, Donnie, we would prefer that you choke on Putin’s dick, so let’s see what happens. 

Gunkis Khan.

I have to wear an ID badge at work, so I keep it in the center console of my car. When I park at work, I shut off the radio, the HVAC, and then the engine. I put up my windshield sun sunshade (if it’s sunny out), pull my phone off its dash mount, and then grab my badge and put it on. That’s when I leave the car. This…

I’m going to say he just learned his wife filed for divorce, and he wanted to trash the Vette so she couldn't claim half of it.

Or on Putin's cock, whichever.

YouTube clicks?

“Quick Wash"? Nah son, *quickest* wash!

She traded yellow cones for brown underpants.

Apparently when the fish start swimming around your ankles.

Let us band together, fellow iron-bellies, we can rule this world!

For someone as abhorrent as Trump, I’d usually fall back on their being biodegradable. But with that thick sticky shell of spray tan he wears, I’m not so sure.

Any Nazi getting flattened is a good watch:

Schadenfreude: good freude or best freude? Discuss.

I don’t think he was dying, but here’s an elderly man who had always wanted to drive a car through a garage door. (Pretty sure I saw this on Jalopnik FWIW.) Friends and family made it happen.

I am so goddamn jealous my eyes are bleeding.

More stars needed! I’m sitting in the Apple Store and I actually laughed out loud.