I, a mere mortal, am not worthy to read the words you have written herein.

My mind, it is blown.

I got caught in traffic near the United Center recently because Angry Smoking Grandmother was playing.

Optimus looks like "Hey, WHOA!"

This is how it's done people. Right here.

“set to low” just made this comment shine.

*snort* The shortest jokes are the best ones.

I love Human Spitball, have all their albums.

Bye Paul, let the door catch your heel on the way out and snap your Achilles’ tendon, so your calf muscle rolls up to your knee like a window shade, you fuck.

Best thing = he’s biodegradable. 

Some would say she's earned the right to get punched in the mouth.

*Universe implodes*

You're not the boss of me.

I can't say Habayusa!

Good t-shirt, or best t-shirt?

I love this!

I will give Tariff Man credit- his approach at the G-20 has been better than his usual one:

“Hmm, new truck, eh? Let’s take a look at the back end first. Ooh, nice, strong and beefy. Now the sides, some attractive sculpting over the wheels, very good. And now the front, I’m sure it will deliver some- OH GOD WHY?! MY EYES!! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!!”

If ya can't find 'em, grind 'em.