I would throw a random stranger (or possibly a not-too-close relative) into an alligator-filled pond for one of these Accord Sports. 

That’s not what your mom said.

“Did someone say ‘broken tiger’?”

That Civic was Rushin'. 

No need for sorry- the Jalop heart wants what it wants. 

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

The fact that a giant foot didn’t drop from above at that moment, Monty Python-like, and press him into an oversized pancake is proof there is no God.

My new band: Asymptote of Snark.

We also would have accepted

I feel the same way about low ass-bridges.

If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

This is gold, particularly “conservative human urinals”. Damn.

Damn, I’d go for that even if she had a real horse head surgically attached. Fuckin’ look at that!!

Separated at birth:

By Jeffie, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, you Granny Clampett-looking racist fuckwipe.

You are a true wordsmith. 

*gets stranded; builds mechsuit from 11-year-old Hyundai; survives*

Don’t drive one, though. Ever seen the front-end crash test? Collapses like a yard-sale card table.