I’ve got a photo of mine stark naked at 4 yrs of age and wearing Dutch wooden clogs with their hands on the floor and ass in the air. I also have a 10 minute clip of them when they were one and stark nekked (pretty common for the first 5 years at our house- the kid loved to be freeee!) with one of those mesh onion…

Priceless! Kids are awful and have no filter. Uh, thanks kid. Your team needed to know this. Diarrhea is a bitch, kids!

Ah! Still in the golden days where they will consent to at least hug you in private like they mean it. Kids.

OK. Thanks. I was kind of feeling bad about it. Like, now people on Jezebel might be judging me after I bared my soul about the unbridled joy I felt when I came upon the place. To be clear, I was seriously hungover and all I wanted was a damn vegetable or two. And their Santa Fe salad has those in spades!

I very dearly wanted to do this. But this was back in the early days when I still tried to keep to my promises about how I was going to raise the damn kid and be all principled and shit. It’s different now because they’re 17 and a MAJOR pain in the ass. But there have definitely been some good incidences of getting…

I was mortified. My heart literally stopped and my inside voice said “This is it.” You just have to power through though. Plus, the guy in his 20's sitting next to us and who stank like a polecat and was reading his brand new comics really needed to know too. It was a public service.

“WHO USED THE TOWELS? I can see someone used the towels. And they didn’t wash their hands properly because there are dirty fingerprints. Present your hands. I want to see.” ~ my gran

I feel I should not that my child does not have a vagina. If they had hit toddlerhood without knowing what they, personally, had, I did something wrong. I seem to recall their question was a continuation of a conversation we had had earlier in the day and my kid had it percolating in their mind and waited for a…

It’s the worst when a parent is considered cooler than you. I know this from when I was young. My dad was the dude that all my friends smoked weed with.

It’s SO worth it. SO WORTH IT.

My husband has multiple plaid jackets and pairs of pj bottoms. I make a point of getting him the most lurid and clashing plaid bottoms I can find at Christmas (WALMART yo!). So far my best find is turquoise, bright orange and lime green. He always wears a plaid jacket and pj bottoms to walk the dog at night and…

Your dad is awesome! I’m going to have to tell that one to my husband to add to the repertoire. Our kid is 17 and is mortified whenever their dad opens his mouth because it’ll be a fucking “dad joke” a good 80% of the time unless it’s about farts. I need to be clear- my husband and I are ex bike couriers, lived in a…

I am so sorry! It’s such a pleasure to be able to do! I get nods from other parents who are in on it all the time. NO SHAME!

Side hug? Perfunctory and with weak arm action? Or full on “I love you” hug? I need to judge the value of my own kid’s hugs by comparing them to others’.

YES INDEED! It is a right and a gift to embarrass one’s kids. As soon as my child possessed the ability to be embarrassed of me instead of thinking I was wonderful (as I am), it was nothing but singing and dancing in the aisles of grocery stores- lyrical topics such as “What the hell do you want for dinner?” and “Did…

Hmmm....weird. Whatever would be the problem there?

I LOVE THIS. I totally forgot about the insane doctor from KITH.

BTW- I hope you are doing ok now. Having things inside that either don’t function well or are in the wrong place (or both!) must be terribly wearing on a person. I wish you ease in recovery and minimal pain.

Oh thank god I’m not the only person that remembers this stuff. Some of my friends were a little disbelieving about my description of the twee bathroom shit. Question- your family from the UK? Aspirational lower to low-middle class? These are my people anyhow.

Absolutely. If they aren’t cognizant or conscious enough to refuse help, the doctor is absolutely beholden to treat. And no good doctor would refuse- not even one who had been insulted for his race two seconds before by that same person. And I bet the doc would absolutely take great pleasure in being the one to help…