Nope.

-the guy who went to college and got an actual career instead of driving McDonald’s around to stoners for a couple dollars is the child

I have zero sympathy for gig workers. Absolutely nobody is forcing you to work a shitty “gig” job.

“...last night’s episode sounded like it had more than a bit of sweetener added to it.”

THIS
THIS
THIS

I know, right? It’s fucking insane.

Oof, I can literally hear that in my mother’s voice and I already want this non-existent argument to stop.

His parents must be so proud.

-food metaphor

No, that’s just what happens when a studio audience is present and funny things are said/done in front of them.

If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.

This website can’t get shut down fast enough.

I don’t give a flying fuck what this vapid worthless trash wants me to believe.

“Braasch eventually founded and became the lone member of the Sarah Lives Matter movement.”

I forget the stand-up comedian who said it and I’m too lazy to google it but this line has always rung so funny and true to me:

Step 1) Understand that nobody gives a flying fuck about your suburban ass asking Alexa for the weather and move on with your life.
Step 2)

Ditto.  I cling tightly to my wife not only out of deep love and affection, but also because dating in 2019 seems like a motherfucking hellscape and I’d rather eat a grenade than try it.

“And it requires no sex. I repeat - no sex at all.”

“Mildred! Mildred! Hey, Mildred!”

I still fucking use that quote to this day when my wife asks me to do something I don’t want to do.