God fuck, I broke in a cold sweat just reading this. Losing my kids is by far my #1 fear. I have a nightmare of losing a kid at least a couple times a month. I hate it so much. The terror, the helplessness, the hatred for myself not paying attention.

“The perfect time to buy a house is...............................................................NOW!!!”

I thought the same thing for a very long time.

“I got wetter than I’ve ever been in my entire life - and I’m from Canada!”

“Yes, I put urine in my mouth. But I did not inhale!”

Right?  WHAT YEAR IS IT!?!?

Cool.

Okay, fine!  I’ll stop!

In her case? I could absolutely see either and/or both.

My wife was only 3 centimeters dilated when we went to the hospital, and they immediately admitted our white asses and set us up in a room so they could make her comfortable and allow her to wait until she was 5 centimeters. I can’t even imagine how fucking angry I would be if they told us to go home. Actually, I can…

Oh man, in my high school (slightly north of hillbilly southern Ohio) her name was Aurora Skye.

Totally, dude! My wife and I were gonna have another baby but then I saw a Mexican guy and now...I don’t know...

This may shock you, but I possess eyes that allow me to see whether the Bad Parker was forced to Badly Park due to circumstances beyond their control or if they’re just being a fucking idiot asshole.

SOB = Son of (a) bitch
HDP = Hijo de puta

Oh my god, same.  I concoct all these elaborate revenge schemes in my head before inevitably settling for opening my door a little too hard (oopsie!) and dinging the offending car that parked way over the line.

I am that person in Ohio.

Only once they’re born.

I have two boys (3 and newborn) and this is ALREADY on my mind. I can’t even imagine how much of a fucking trainwreck I’m going to be when they start going to school.

Same.  I’ve ended friendships over politics and regretted 0% of them.  I straight-up deleted my Facebook account years ago for various reasons - rampant bigotry being one of them.

This is why I make it a point to not befriend religious people.