Oh dear, has the market for “vaguely-flavored carbonated piss” finally crashed?

Y’all are fucking stupid for having this shit on your phones in the first place.

OH FUUUUUUUUCK

Yeah, I called them during a very dark time in college and...they did absolutely fucking nothing. Just more empty platitudes from people who didn’t even know me.  What a joke.

Mellow status:  harshed

Seriously, holy FUCK, this boils my blood like nothing else. If you’re not willing to go AT LEAST 10 over the speed limit, stay the fuck out of the far-left lane.

“Within a day, she amassed nearly 200,000 in a day.”

Yep. I look forward to this piece of shit dying alone in prison at the age of 105.

Depends on the establishment.  I would never ask “Have you been here before?” at a fucking Applebee’s, but it really makes sense to ask this upfront at a place like, say, The Melting Pot, where the ordering process is a hell of a lot more involved than “I’ll have the chicken.”

*sigh*
“Our burger’s good.”

“Well, I don’t know what I expected...”

They don’t do any proofreading here. Like, none.  Just slap their shit together and hit ‘Submit.’

It doesn’t even have a first name, it just says “McLovin”!

Seriously, I’m so fucking sick of this shit.

When I was a server, I hated the “What’s good here/what’s your favorite” question because tastes are so different. I hate fish; maybe you love fish. I love pesto; maybe you hate it.

“...Harvard’s auto-da-fe sets up an insane, cruel standard no one can possibly meet.”

I can’t claim credit for the joke (probably heard it in the comments here), but I have a bold plan to completely eliminate the entirety of our national debt by charging $5 to allow anyone to take a piss on Trump’s grave.  

You don’t have to be a celebrity chef to know when food tastes bad.
-or-
Roger Ebert never made a single movie.

You don’t have to be a celebrity chef to know when food tastes bad.
-or-
Roger Ebert never made a single movie.

Small talk and rapport is huge. Finding any way to connect - ANY WAY - is huge. My personal favorite from my serving days: try to pick up on who the “goof” of the table is and gently/good-naturedly make fun of them. Like, if the table is all, “oh my GOD, Mark, we’ve been here for 10 minutes and you don’t know what…

ok