Shieldbreaker

6/21/19

Depends on the establishment. I would never ask “Have you been here before?” at a fucking Applebee’s, but it really makes sense to ask this upfront at a place like, say, The Melting Pot, where the ordering process is a hell of a lot more involved than “I’ll have the chicken.”

6/21/19

*sigh*
“Our burger’s good.”

6/20/19

“Well, I don’t know what I expected...”

6/20/19

They don’t do any proofreading here. Like, none. Just slap their shit together and hit ‘Submit.’

6/19/19

It doesn’t even have a first name, it just says “McLovin”!

6/19/19

Seriously, I’m so fucking sick of this shit.

6/19/19

Yeah, this is a big nothing. Pills are pills, sex toys are sex toys. Come talk to me when they allow Pocket Pussy ads.

6/18/19

When I was a server, I hated the “What’s good here/what’s your favorite” question because tastes are so different. I hate fish; maybe you love fish. I love pesto; maybe you hate it.

6/18/19

“...Harvard’s auto-da-fe sets up an insane, cruel standard no one can possibly meet.”

6/17/19

I can’t claim credit for the joke (probably heard it in the comments here), but I have a bold plan to completely eliminate the entirety of our national debt by charging $5 to allow anyone to take a piss on Trump’s grave.

6/14/19

You can live without time on vacation for a week. The wife and I ditch our Fitbits and our phones and just do whatever, whenever. It is fun and freeing for a while but we wouldn’t want to do that 24/7/365.

6/14/19

You don’t have to be a celebrity chef to know when food tastes bad.
-or-
Roger Ebert never made a single movie.

6/14/19

Small talk and rapport is huge. Finding any way to connect - ANY WAY - is huge. My personal favorite from my serving days: try to pick up on who the “goof” of the table is and gently/good-naturedly make fun of them. Like, if the table is all, “oh my GOD, Mark, we’ve been here for 10 minutes and you don’t know what…

6/13/19

LOOK, I WROTE YOU A FUCKING ARTICLE, NOW GIVE ME A PAYCHECK!

6/13/19

Couldn’t agree more. I live about 15 minutes from Lebanon, OH and unfortunately worked there for a few years, too. Knowing what I know about that shithole and the people that live there: fuck ‘em. Let ‘em all go bankrupt and starve.

6/13/19

Yep. Fuck Twitch, fuck YouTubers, fuck streamers, and fuck every single person who watches them or gives them money.

6/13/19

Betteridge’s law of headlines is an adage that states: “Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word no.”

6/13/19

ALWAYS

6/12/19

*takes a swig of “Windex”; audience groans*
“What!? It keeps me from streaking!”