If you aren’t already definitively convinced that there is no God, then I don’t know what else you want.

Holy shit. This might actually be the first time that a Lifehacker article had a sensible, not overwrought answer to a simple question.

“I thought I maybe almost died but then I didn’t die so God is real and I’m a Christian now.”

Then those players should create the diverse options they want to see.  

Oh, I’m well aware.  I may or may not have two boxes of ‘em on hand at all times.  (Hint:  I do.)  If you make them right, they’re 99% as good as the restaurant version, so yeah, fucking awesome.

Original song lightly edited by me. Original version they taught servers was:

I was a server at Applebee’s in college and, being fairly outgoing, was one of the only people willing to lead birthday songs. If another server didn’t want to lead, they’d give me $1 and I’d gather a crowd and go marching and clapping and singing like a madman. My goal was absolutely to embarrass the shit out of the…

I hate seafood but I love their biscuits, so I just eat a lot of their biscuits and then leave.

LOL WHAT IF A MAN COULD PARENT LMAO

Oh my god, who fucking cares.

Yeah, I say we all just throw our phones away and go meet our sweethearts at the local diner to get a phosphate from the soda hop.

1000% this.

What a fascinating article advertisement!

Never date the religious.

Yeah, it’s a shame having to get heterosexual kisses from literally everywhere else.

That’s not what those Chinese cartoons say!

Your comments almost always give me an audibly forceful nasal exhalation, and this is no different.  Fantastic idea -- let me know if you ever start a newsletter.

It’s unfortunate to see Rude Negro so terribly wrong on this because I almost always think he’s right.  Sad!

Yep, this is the right answer.  Ignore the request and never speak to her again.  Triflin’.

“Is there anything so satisfying to watch as a well-played Mario speedrun?”