Man, they’re going to kickass at Motherboy this year!

Congratulations! I am pregnant with my second! Welcome to the phase of your life when you will always click on articles that you know you shouldn’t! What is this horrible compulsion?!?!

CONGRATULATIONS!! And this is literally the only time i ever heard of anything like this happening EVER, and tons of babies are born every single day.

No, it is absolutely not normal, hence the $16 million verdict. That shit is definitely malpractice.

Which then makes you sound even more exclusive, which then brings more people to you asking if you "party". You then try to scare them off with promises of sheetcake and bounce houses, but they just think you are so hip and ahead of them, they want you even more. Eventually you end up running an empire of night clubs…

The new owners will keep everything exactly the same. Why should they change a successful and valuable property by meddling with the formula that made it such an attractive purchase? The very first staff meeting/communication will commit to keeping things exactly as they were and will compliment the people who made…

Knowing how much other people loved hearing the minutia of other people’s beauty routines made me feel less weird for doing the same. And I got some great recommendations for night creams and face highlighters!!

We were a small but loyal group, weren’t we?

I feel that. I’ve also given up on today. I’m currently building a ‘make your own pizza’ online order that I will pull the trigger on right as I leave work so that I will be greeted by a large pepperoni situation shortly after I arrive at home. #blessed

RIP Millihelen!!!

What if you discover that the goat is your true love?

I heard they’re testing it on pheasants. I mean peasants.

Yikes. It looks like a balut.

“That Beyoncé would write a screenplay should’ve tipped people off that this was false.”

Dogs, man. I’m always outed by an overly-friendly dog. YES, DOG, I AM BLEEDING FROM MY VAGINA. THANK YOU FOR ALERTING EVERYONE BY FORCIBLY PLACING YOUR NOSE THERE.

I first read that as “HAS 2 GOLF BALLS UP RECTUM AND WANTS TO HAVE 1 REMOVED” and was both puzzled and amused.

Does anyone remember the game “Perfection”? THAT is the best gift for a kid you hate. It’s scientifically designed to be nearly impossible and half the time you’re struggling so hard to hurry up your hands would be shaking and then you’d just feel like such an asshole when you couldn’t manage to get the octagon in as…

My niece loves all things Elsa, but now a she is obsessed with Disgust from Inside Out.

All the old fisher price little people shit was awesome. My inlaws kept it so now my kids get to play with the tent trailer set. Love it.

The leftovers are a snack for the person packing the lunch, just like coins found in pockets are a tip for the person doing the laundry. Parenthood has its small perks. :)