It can’t be stressed enough how important it is for people to feel like they have agency over their own body but at the same time, you have to be careful how you address that agency to your kids. Dealing in absolutes with your kids is really something you should be careful about with situations where there are more…

Also, parents, don’t encourage your kids to hug me. I don’t really want to hug your kids. It creates an awkward situation for all of us.

A lot of kids seem to be made mostly of noise and dirt.

I have a team of 19 year old Thai hookers who take care of that for me.

And sticky. Don’t forget sticky.

Absolutely fuck Dale. A painless way to die? Yes please! Not only are people choosing to live in this hell, but they’re HAVING BABIES. If ever there was a time to pull out, a zombie apocalypse is it.

Yep, it’s a hollow way of saying “hey, I don’t think I need to do anything”. In this case it’s a patronising bullshit from a rapist and his parents who helped him move to Australia when the cases against him were reopened.

THIS is one of my biggest problems with religion. What makes someone a good, moral person is the person’s ACTIONS, not some invisible imaginary conversation in their head. You cannot do things that hurt people, and then “make it all better” by having an imaginary conversation in your own mind. Ugh.

WHAT?! Why would she do that? She should’ve helped you hide the evidence.

Had gone to visit my family in TX when I was 11(?). Was on period on plane ride home, and was still in that stage of trying to deny that periods existed and that I was a victim of one. So of course, was not changing my pad when I should have, also they felt like diapers so I pretty much avoided it as much as possible…

Holy shitsnacks! I think my parents would have run you over with their car!

Holy. Shit. This story was definitely not disappointing. Go on, bad-ass younger you! (Although I’m also getting to the age where I’m like, ohhhh, your poor parents.)

I’ve sucked a lot of dick and no one has ever asked me what their jizz tastes like.

Well, since you’re interested. I hope you won’t be disappointed.

In elementary school, my mom would give me $3 for hot lunch on some days. One day I wanted to be like all the cool kids and buy snacks from the student store before lunch. I bought two cookies and a bag of chips. They tasted sooo good. Once I got home my mom asked what I had for lunch. I guess I was terrible at lying…

My lie cost me thousands.

I’m still honestly fucking baffled by why I said this, but when I was a freshman in high school, I decided to claim that my parents had been blacklisted by Joseph McCarthy. My parents, who would have been toddlers during McCarthyism and are just normal folks. I told a bunch of people that too. In retrospect, I…

No, just living vicariously through your experience. :-)

When I was in my early 20's I worked at a summer camp. A mom of one kid in my group was a real pain in the ass. She had already yelled at me once that summer because her kid lost his bathing suit, so when she came asking me for the sweater he was wearing that morning I lied and said I hadn’t seen him wearing a sweater…

I told a woman that I loved her so she would have sex with me.