I’ll be in the corner listening to my Deep Purple 8-track...

The version where you just wait to be found was invented by parents who just wanted their kids to go away for a few minutes so the parents could hear themselves think.

As I was scrolling all I read was “great weed” and now I just really want to get baked and eat some pasta.

Oral Orzo.

I usually try to go for more subtle physical hints, like pointing at my vagina and signing “wanna bone?”

Raw Dog Ravioli

I had it and now my old copy belongs to my daughter.

A pretty good way to get a dude to fuck u is to be like “Yo dude, you wanna fuck or what?”

Ramona trying to gain sympathy for any mundane thing is kinda why I love/hate her. It’s great and shows how horrible of friend she can be.

The exaggerated shaking hand as she raised her drink to her lips was fantastic.

Sonja won the season for sure, but I miss sloppy “I party with Jon-Jon and Madonna ALL THE TIME” Sonja sometimes.

Right? And god knows Coach Taylor could use her help. He’s been up to no good in the Florida Keys.

Good friend of mine with a recent doctorate, recent home purchase, recent engagement had a massive stroke yesterday. She is in her 30s and possibly brain dead. No warning. Her loved ones are beside themselves. Just last week she was looking at wedding venues.

I feel like a person whose introduction to porn was their rapist abductor kind of doesn't have the most level starting point for a conversation about the subject. But maybe that's just me.

I would rather get cheated on by Bill Clinton than by Donald Trump, so yeah.

Can’t speak for Jujy but I certainly do. Bill is charming, intelligent, a great conversationalist, funny and appreciative of humor in others, loyal though not faithful (they are different things), well informed, fascinated by other people, and not least, always looks nicely groomed and as if he probably smells good.…

You know you’ve fucked up when Courtney fucking Love tells you to grow up.

LMAO, at this point, you would probably have Hillary’s, Chelsea’s, and most of the country’s blessing. Hillary would probably dap you up on the way in like, “I am busy being leader of the free world. Can you handle dat for me, playa?”

1. I’m agreeing with Tom Arnold. Never thought that’d happen.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with how much of a fox I find Bill Clinton...in that picture, now, I don’t care, I would do bad things with that man.