Turns out he wanted a pizza, 1/2 mushrooms, 1/3 Black Olives, 1/3 sausage, and 1/4 Pepperoni (With the Black Olives and sausage over the mushroom half and Pepperoni in its own quarantined area. And “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE IN THE PEPPERONI AREA” he said as loud as possible.)

It’s so weird that at the time that was considered genuinely bizarre, a dumb joke up there with “No price sticker? Guess it’s free!” and now everybody automatically goes “Oh. Atkins. What was the guy expecting?”

I live in Wisconsin.

I’m surprised Best Buy doesn’t sell beer here.

You are clearly a cabbage or something attempting to pass as human. Stop. We’re onto you.

OK, ok

It’s funny I live in one of the few states (NJ) that you can only buy alcohol at the liquor store and not the grocery or convenience store like other places. It blows peoples minds when they visit. “Like I have to go to a whole separate place?” It’s kind of ridiculous at times because honestly one trip, one credit…

This reminded me of my favorite ever Miss Manners Q&A:

How do you eat your candy bar? With your hand? **scoffs**

Can I get a Flapjack in a monogrammed thermos?

You disgust me...

I’m opening a bar with the sizes (from smallest to biggest):

I had a pretty great one over the phone one time. This lady calls up and some of the reviews of the hotel I worked at were hilarious. It was a pretty skeevy motel to begin with but she goes “I’m reading your reviews on-line and some of them are pretty bad. This one says it’s a step up from a crack house.” I just said…

No, it makes perfect sense. They also serve Chili (chips with melted cheese and guacamole), hot dogs (round patties of ground beef on a round bun), and turkey sandwiches (sandwiches made with ham).

That’s pretty easy to figure out. I had a bunch of Canadians try to order Tim Bits working at a Dunkin. I knew what they meant. Being Canadian they universaly immediately apologized.

Eh, there’s a difference there. I mean, Whopper is a specific trademarked menu item at a competitor. “Large” is a common adjective. I mean, if you’re being a dick and making a show about avoiding their bullshit terminology (my bias is showing, isn’t it?), then, well, yeah. You’re being a dick. (Albeit, a totally…

oh, burn!!!

“how am i supposed to eat my french fries?”

All I know is, the day I see a coffee place offer a Gigantor sized coffee, I will stop in, get the Gigantor, and give the barista a high five and a nice tip.

Starbucks has positively sensible naming conventions compared to a beer bar I worked in. Instead of listing the ounces, they named the four sizes pilsner, draught, tall boy, and hofbrau, which were 12, 18, 26, and 38 ounces respectively.The first of these is a type of beer, the middle two are serving styles that do…

My brother was working the carving station at a hotel brunch a bit outside of Atlanta when someone proud Georgian went on some rant about other, apparantly “Yankee” customers and how the South is so much better. After asking my brother and being told that he is from Ohio, Georgia Guy declares “that’s ok, Ohio is an…