A prude in the streets, a freak in the tweets.

Yeah, my ex had a relationship with another woman while we were together, and at the same time I caught him flirting with other women. When I found everything out I was just thinking, how did you even have time for all of this? How did you manage to keep every lie straight? That's sounds miserable and exhausting.

I <3 her so much I want her to be my 2nd mom. Please?

"I think she likes sex already."

No, but I'm gonna leave it.

I'm naming firstborn Snowqueen's Icedragon Ryan.

AT LEAST CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN MIRROR IF YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A MIRROR SELFIE

My laundry pile is very, very sexy and now I'm very sexually aroused.

Which is grimly funny, because my body actually looks like a lumpen pile of laundry when I'm naked. How splendidly ironic.

Um, is this you? Because holy shit you were a super cool ass pregnant lady. I'm not pregnant but I'm still a little jealous of your pregnancy style.

i am LIVING for that aqua + flowers, Hawaaiian-vacation-ready muumuu dress.

Queens dont drive?

My mother was working in a restaurant when she was 20, and she had previously warned the manager on numerous occasions about serious issues with the smoke hoods, and the air vent. The manager never did anything about it.

Tell me, is it hard to murder bad tippers when you're in the advanced stages of pregnancy? Do you need us to donate to a kickstarter to fund your defense team?

Girl yes! Not the girl throwing the shower.. her friend. Her cheap friend that once screamed across a cheesecake factory for more "free bread"

The girl throwing my baby shower informed me this weekend that her friend rarely tips. I know this girl. I immediately saw a red haze over EVERYTHING.

Let's be fair: Stephanie Meyer should get some of the blame for the books as well.

Thanks to LDR and the border, my husband and I got married at city hall, then had a big Jewish jam at a later date where our friends and family could join us.

Here are mine from the ceremony (we had a separate ceremony with reception much later) and I wore these beauts with a tea length lace dress. For the reception, I wore simple t-strap flat sandals for comfort :)