IF. ONLY.

. . . where is promptly hit by the propeller of a speed boat.

Holy shit I have never been to a wedding south of the Mason-Dixon line and I’m soooo glad now. I’ve never even HEARD of having a wedding that early! DRY COUNTY?!

I swear half of the Saturdays in the summers of my mid-20s were spent hungover in Catholic ceremonies. Blech. My husband and I are not religious. Our ceremony was 11 minutes long and I honestly don’t know what we talked about that long.

I’ve worked in several restaurants and it was VERY rare for the kitchen staff to fuck with food. There are less disgusting ways for the restaurant stuff to fuck with you.

Yep. If you can’t afford it, cut elsewhere. We were deadass broke when we got married and I spent a year planning how to cut costs any and everywhere to make sure people could eat and drink well. Because they already had to buy a goddamn plane ticket, goddamn hotel room, and goddamn gift just to come to the goddamn…

Eh. I care about my family’s feelings. If it’s more important to them than it is to me . . . meh.

Whhhyyy do people do seating charts? So much work for you and how does it benefit guests?

This reminds me of Bill Burr admitting that he thought ponies were baby horses until like his mid-30s.

Dude. To suggest that a 10am cup of coffee is the reason that someone wakes up to the sound of another human pounding on their bedroom door is a little ridiculous. I can skip coffee altogether and still be a light sleeper.

Huh my husband makes the same joke (also my favorite noise) and he’s 35 . . .

This app has saved my sanity in the last year.

Holy shit I have never been invited to a wedding like this and I would certainly never accept such an invitation (and I’m in my early 30s so I’ve passed “peak wedding” season of my life). Weddings are supposed to be an 11-minute ceremony at 4pm followed by 8 hours of free food and heavy drinking.

I love these types of threads because it’s nice to see everyone understand the very basic idea that different people have different life circumstances and different preferences.

Your oven and stove are inside. It’s less fun to cook inside and way less fun to eat inside when it’s hot as shit in there from running the oven and stove.

Ahh hahahaha. Yeah sometimes I hear explosions and people getting shot and stuff from the bathroom and it’s like, “Are you watching fucking action movies on the toilet?!” So weird.

Lol. I got this type of reply from like 30 people so you must be right. We have a pretty chill relationship (made ever-so-slightly less chill by the introduction of a baby a year ago), but I can still see the “guilt free” alone time aspect of it.

I think I can poop faster than I can pee. Sit down. Poop comes out. Wipe. Done.

Lol- our daughter is about to turn 1 so . . . we sort of have children. Although he seems to like hanging out with her even more than I do and she goes to bed very easily at 7pm so he has PLENTY of quiet time. I do talk a lot though . . . Like, a lot a lot. Whatever. I don’t mind it I just make fun of him for it. …

All he needs is a bong and jug o’ wine . . .