My husband always says he’s going to “read the news.” I don’t understand what takes a man so long to poop.

Flats.

I’m currently taking a month off for fatness reasons. It’s great to feel so goddamn rested all the time but holy shit I am bored.

That’s why I love stuff like making bread. I’m not watching tv. I’m waiting for the dough to rise.

They’re not more noble. They’re more naive.

I think it’s funny how everyone who pays for a cleaning service is like “Well it’s okay because I do it for this TOTALLY VALID REASON.”

We have someone come once a week. It has changed my life. I remain grounded.

Oh my god, I can’t believe I messed that up! I typed it before I had any coffee this morning. “Good god, Lemon!” Ah. So funny.

Could you afford it if you didn’t have healthcare premiums anymore?

At first I thought you were me and then I saw that you have twins. GAH. That’s twice as many babies!

nah

This reminds me of my FAVORITE 30 Rock moment where Jack is pretending to be in love with Lemon (I think to convince the new guy to stop secretly dating her) but it happens to be the same day Lemon lets her mustache grow and Alec Baldwin sees it and does the perfect “Jesus, Lemon.”

Awww hahaha, 30 Rock got me through 2 colicky months with my daughter last year. I’d watch it really quiet with the subtitles on, white noise machine blasting, and all the curtains closed.

Is that the one where Tracy does all the one-liners about his fucked up childhood? “I once saw a pack of dogs successfully operate a Wendy’s!”

I am on a progesterone-only pill and it cleared my skin up like magic. Unfortunately I think you just have to see what works for you (which SUCKS because it can take a loooong time for your body to adjust to a new pill).

If my husband tried to feed people a giant bowl of day-old raw-fish-and-mayo slop I would tell him he’s being an idiot. Because he’s not 4 and therefore I don’t have to encourage him or clap for him when he’s being an idiot.

I only made it 10 minutes into this movie without turning it off because EVERYTHING (the writing, the acting, the goddamn cinematography) was soooo bad.

. . . Do you do these things? They are all bad. Don’t do these things.

It is a right and you have due process protections in place to avoid that right being taken from you arbitrarily.

Just because the right is limited does not mean it isn’t defined as a right. There are due process requirements to removing your rights to drive.