Notice how not one woman who “feels like a man that day” (the way she “feels” like getting a bagel instead of a breakfast sandwich because it’s totally like that) is attempting to breach the disgusting grotto of the men’s public restroom. Women—cis, trans, whatever new thing is already evolving—aren’t dumdums. We’re…

No one has burned a bra for feminism. Because they are uncomfortable as shit, yes, because it belongs to the girl you’re person is banging on the side, possibly, but that myth of feminist movement lore was disproven ages ago. Also: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT HERE? We need a picture-in-picture translation system…

Yeah, I know you’re right. It’s so disheartening all the way around.

Agreed. Leave the masterpiece alone. No need to give the Mona Lisa a little more rouge. I dip into the episodes on Netflix from time to time and am just so thrilled to re-experience what a fun, funny, smart, and kind of heart-warming show it was. Miss those Dunderheads :)

How about “I’m going to best her with my mind palace!” That would get some of the ‘Shlock fan vote on Christie’s side, which he badly needs. And: No one is talking about giving Uncle Bernie a sound spanking, thrashing, banging, or ass kicking of any kind. It’s a miracle anything gets accomplished in this country.

I mean, the upside is that Jeb reminded me how much I love and miss Michael Scott. :)

We have now reached full Michael Scott mode!

That took all of ten seconds. I know 4-year-olds who wouldn’t pull that “He stoled it from me” bullshit. S to the I to the D: SHUT. IT. DOWN.

Here Puppies for Cancer, have my rape money. It will make Mitch Albom happy and maybe he’ll base a new, crappy book about me. Mitch Albom is the lesser Nicholas Sparks, which says a fucking lot. Goodday to you, sir. ISAIDGOODDAY!

Why is this bloated, leaf bag with eyes still talking? Also, can we agree he gets his foreign intelligence update from Chloe at CTU? Damnit, Chloe, he needs those CODES!

He and Merry Christmas are really great for the women.

I wrote about the lost ladies of late night for The Huffington Post; the anxiety about women and humor is more than a century old with no signs of slowing that’s for damn sure.

Are we sure Crazy Eyes didn’t dream up this deliciousness? And order to the Universe is restored!

“Women spend so much time trying to align themselves with an image in the media that they can’t match,” Dunham said.”

THANKS! I thought the same thing and was all “Are we saying YAAAS or saying NAWWWHH” and is that to Hilz or to the “Yaas” or is this like one of those things where something has gone super cool to super stupid in the span of one Twitter hour, which we all know is something like half the speed of light? So confused.

that's the closest she'll ever get to the White House

That rotary phone says differently. Shut. It. The. Fuck. Down. douchebag.

"Oh jeez..." What is she from fucking FARGO? I'm so glad I never forced my eyes and brain to consume this book or sex blog or whatever the fuck it thinks it is...#shutitdown #lemonOUT

I work from home so feel completely unselfconscious about braying with laughter like the sacred ass that brought Mary and Joseph to the fabled stable or cave or Sandals all inclusive resort in the fairy tale over this exquisite, exquisite piece about Jesus Cameron's film. Kelly Faircloth is my spirit animal now. Thank…

"I had no idea" is the new "it depends what the definition of is..is." Really? Did you just arrive here from Sector-7 of Planet Blargon and you do not understand how the public sharing of information works, Bethenny? Young people of the world: major in psychology, you can have your pick of fucked-up celebrities' kids…