They also prefer 19th century health care... especially the opiates

The real crime here is that someone under 65 leaves voicemails

No way he lasts seven minutes

No. The Maroons actually won something.

Has Stephen A. lost a step?

YES! Also:

Attempted? Sounds like failure to execute

Yeah otherwise it would look ridiculous

THIS IS FONT SIZE 100

That other guy’s Britt McHenry costume is on point though

I think the traditional football saying is, “Kill the head, the body will die”

As long as you remember to eat your Ws!

Sure, but on the other hand, you have different fingers

She figures if she tweets about it, the kidney stone might just resign

“Fleetingly gothic, marginally industrial, unrelenting in a vaguely threatening way, they shout “The world is ending” on a crowded dancefloor. No one panics, but some do drift off—they’re getting a little bored. B-“

Huh?

Filthy. You made Mike Pence walk out again

Wait, how did the cops figure out dude was holding a BB gun without shooting him first?

Get that guy out on the Eschaton courts