The View is allegedly trying to hire Gwyneth Paltrow. Let that sink in for a second

This ain’t no poker game. You guys are havin sex with each other!

Is Ice T disappointed with 50 for lying about himself?

Looking back on it, Mike was much more my type. But i’m still a sucker for a frontman.

When I rewatched some episodes when I was older, I went a bit more for Mike. They were all so lovable, though.

Gene Kelly, swoon I think he or Dick van Dyke was my first human crush. I think before that it was Robin Hood in the animated feature.

ME TOO! I was hopelessly smitten by Davy Jones. My aunt gave me her old Monkee’s records and I’d listen to them while dreamily staring at Davy on the album cover. Then they did a reunion tour and my little 9 year old self was shocked to discover that Davy was OLD and had a MULLET. It prepared me for online dating…

A winning steak-themed joke is a rare medium, well done.

True story, young Davy Jones was my first crush, back when Nick @ Nite played The Monkees and I didn’t realize that he was much older by then than he appeared in the show.

Don’t fucking tell me what to do.

I have anxiety issues when receiving oral sex and can only orgasm from it if I am at least slightly tipsy.

The day I decided I would not have sex with any man who didn’t first make me cum with his mouth was the day I left sexual purgatory and was admitted to Elysian Fields.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

I would comment on the nature of his article itself, but I knew he was a world class bullshitter when he humble-bragged that on his very first trip to the snackateria, he managed to make his partner squirt.

I was born a Polish human girl, but I really identify with the bradypus sloth. Does that get me any love or ridicule around these parts? I’m adorable, vegetarian, and I only poop once a week!

Exactly.

A+++ use of The Godfather: Part III gif. Al Pacino’s fantastic scenery chewing is by far the best part of that movie. It’s like he knew that we’d need it to make gifs later.

me rn with dolezal stories:

Oh, she admitted to what we already knew? Bitch go away.

I just don’t understand how she hasn’t been in bed under like 4 comforters since this happened. How is she not mortified? I wish I could watch this video, I hate work.