You can totally put booze in tea. You can put booze in anything.

"Title IX laws require almost all university employees to report any sexual assault allegations they have knowledge of to a supervisor, campus police, or the Student Conduct office, even if no official complaint has been lodged."

My husband and I met in grad school and didn't hit it off immediately. We got stuck in the same miserable class together on Monday nights. It talked about music history, and one night the instructor went on an endless ramble about Schubert's "syphilis attacks" and kept saying the nonsense phrase "syphilis attacks"…

Finally, some justice for the friends and family of Mr. Buttons. Gone, but not forgotten. Thank you. But how many ginger-people must die before I'm out of the greys?!

My ex husband never got that I was asking him out (we were teenagers), so I finally just told him to come to the movies with me and a big group of friends. And asked him to pick me up. We get to the movie and he's like, "...where's everyone else?"

Too. Real.

This is only tangentially related, but some guy at a house show asked me: "how many calories do you think you burn during sex." He wasn't trying to pick me up, he just thought he was cool by mentioning sex in a frank way. I said "none because I just lay there" and walked off. For sone reason thinking of that exchange…

I once tried to pick up an insanely cute guy at a bar on Halloween. I was dressed as Flo from the Progressive commercials and he kept telling me how cute I was. I left to go on stage at the event we were at, and when I returned, he was passed out on the bar.

So, they basically just outlined the plot of Stephen King's The Stand. #m-o-o-nspellszombieoutbreak

I just like that he is giving the impression that he is often engaged in conversation about beyonce's legacy where he is complaining that she doesn't make dad rock and the other party is going "but she's hot!". That whole scene pretty much sums up what it'd be like to hang out with kid rock and his awful friends

I'm only on season 1.2, but I get it. It was like a year ago the season came out. If I wanted surprises I should've watched it instead of saying "maybe next week" for the past 12 months.

I won't know unless you click and refresh. What are you waiting for?

I could have been wearing it instead of Zendaya, and I'm as white as they come

"Kim Kardashian's Eyelashes Are Big Enough To Have Their Own Souls"

Those eyelashes are ridic. Truly at some point she will look like Snuffleufagus.

Not my wedding, and only an attempted Marvin:

My aunt and uncle's wedding, many years ago, was a very traditional church affair. Before the ceremony, they were piping in soft, calming music interspersed with nature sounds, like waterfalls. At least, everyone thought they were nature sounds, until they heard a flush. The minister went to the men's room with his…

We had to have security break into the one of the bridesmaid's rooms to wake her up before the ceremony, since she was passed out drunk and wouldn't answer the phone or the pounding on her door. It basically all went off OK after that, but she did have some trouble standing up straight.