TO THE LAB!

God, your logic traps are so hot. I can't believe you figured out how bad I want you.

Okay, so I want to make sure I'm fucking accurately on the self-esteem scale. So obviously hot young women are at the top. And older women are at the bottom. But what about young women who aren't hot? Or older women who are hot?

Yeah, he doesn't "seek them out," he approaches them. And he doesn't approach them because of their age, he approaches them because they're attractive. Because of their age. IT'S PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

It sounds like a pudding pop! I want it! I want to take it out of the freezer and peel off it's wrapper and put it in my mouth and bite off a gorgeous delicious chunk!

How could a stud like you have to fuck away the lonely? I bet you're covered in hot 20-somethings! I bet you have to knock them away with your massive man schlong! Low self-esteem?! Would a guy this great in bed have low self-esteem? Huh?! I don't think so.

Dead boner bomb!

Dead boner bomb!

Dead boner bomb!

BUT HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT OUR WORTH IS IF YOU DON'T TELL US?!

Which doesn't mean 30 year old women are without worth. I'm sure some guys like them, or for some guys, they really are the best they can do. And even for guys like me, they make for a fun night here or there, and you don't really need to feel bad about not calling them again, cause by 30+ they're surely used to it.

Gosh, I feel awful. We should never demean anyone... at least, not until they hit 30.

Ohhhh, I gotcha. *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

It must make it really hard to converse with all of those easygoing 20-somethings you prefer to date.

Why do teenage girls like things that are marketed towards teenage girls and not the things that you like? It is truly one of life's great mysteries.

You can't love me, I was born in the 80s for god's sake! It's against the laws of nature!

Oh thank heavens! I was really starting to get worried that I would have to die alone and get partially eaten by my cats and have to have a closed casket funeral. (Not that anyone would bother coming to my funeral, seeing that as an old woman my options and power would have slipped as low as my pendulous cleavage.)

Yes, I'm sure your company is wonderful. I just hope they're fully enjoying it, since every day they're creeping closer and closer to the age of 30, when they'll find themselves alone at the bar at closing time, with nothing to warm the dried-out husks of their vaginas but the memory of your enormously adequate prick.

…

Oh, I see. The reason you like 20-year-olds isn't that they'll put up with bad treatment but because they don't try to analyze your worth.

It's heart breaking :( I want to give her a hug and tell her that there's nothing wrong with her hair or with her.