Don’t look at the eclipse without protecting your eyes, you fucking idiots.

Sorry but this is a horseshit opinion. Coke Zero tastes a lot different from Diet Coke, it’s sweeter and has that spicy, slightly citrusy flavor to it like Coca-Cola whereas Diet Coke does not. (The “base formula” of Coke Zero is the original Coke formula whereas the base formula of Diet Coke was and is the New Coke…

Wait 15 seconds. They’ll come.

Thankfully soccer fans are used to exceptionally long periods of nothing happening.

You had many words for him. Oddly, none of them were, “My reading comprehension is not what it should be for someone who speaks and writes for a living.”

Wow, you’re truly stupid.

“She just doesn’t have the big explosion left in her.”

Don’t be such a turd.

Big deal. I just took a shit and I didn’t have to fight anybody or nothin.

Dental too?

Giving up a dinger to Bartolo is more or less equivalent to giving up dingers to three lesser men, though.

“Did you see that?!?!”

Maybe she didn’t see that he wound up with the ball?

Imagine that, a woman overreacting. Weird.

Fuck the Jays. Especially Bautista. Is it wrong that I wish Odor would have given him permanent brain damage with that punch?

Don’t tell Justin. If getting bunted on shook him up, finding out this kid is visiting Kate will really fuck with his head.

I day-drank, (day-drunk, drinkeded?) the past two Saturdays and I gotta tell yah, not as fun as it used to be. I’m 30, so my body starts to shut down after about 3 hours of being out, but I was guilt tripped into staying out longer both times. Here’s the worst part about being day-drunk. No one outside of that bar…

Best part though is obviously the Giants being even worse than the Padres.

Yes, but that “somewhere” is his mom’s basement.

Good baseball player has bad night. Let’s overexaggerate because we need something to write.