Woah woah, Cowboy. Let's start with basic punctuation and capitalization, and then we'll move onto the multiple syllable words you can and can't use.

Incognito: Siri, send a message to Jonathan Martin saying I have Snickers leftover from Halloween.

Siri: I sent a text message to Jonathan Martin

Martin: :(

There are a LOT of thirty- and forty-something guys out there who absolutely hate their lives/jobs/wives/families/friends and would kill five hookers to return to their college days, and will overpour/watch Cameron Crowe movies/ogle teenagers/obsess over made-up money lines/refer to their old friends by laughable…

Seinfeld's over Cheers'? Screw you.

Bobby Valentine plans to sneak into the studio disguised as someone who's not an idiot.

Hey, "Hey, [cultural fad], wanna buy [yesterday's useless artifact]?", wanna buy "[year in the far past] called and wants its [highlight feature that was probably in vogue then but is now being passed off as fancy and new] back"?

No, that doesn't seem more likely because all of the former players going back on it gave very plausible scenarios of what they actually said, and how it was (purposefully) misinterpreted. Except for the last example, I could totally see how this is possible. And if the players were actually that disgruntled with…

They play hockey, which I understand is a sport!

I think that was more of a "no one wants your autograph" gesture. Which is a pretty awesome comeback if the Rice defenders tried using the autograph stuff as trash talk.

He was the Jaguars' beat writer so you can understand why he doesn't know a whole lot about the NFL

Yeah, stick to sports, man.

If they do murder people or cause violent harm, that's not cool

Mike Tomlin plans on making his current O-line watch the 2:20 mark of this video over and over again to see what the fuck a block looks like.

Thank you for watching Hamilton Nolan's debut feature, The American Dream.

Travis Sawchik has been a breath of fresh air. He's very well informed and writes very unique and insightful articles. Where he is lacking is sources. It's the trade deadline right now, and if I want information, I would go to Biertempfel or Brink. The combo of Brink and Sawchik make the PG the best newspaper for…