God, I would love to see you try this. It's not the deflating that's even the hardest part, but the handling — unloading all the balls and keeping the deflated balls separated from the nondeflated balls while you're deflating them.

If I was an AFC East team (or playoff-caliber AFC team), I'd be offering low-level Patriot flunky a huge promotion to come work for me, in hopes of getting someone to spill all the secrets.

Whether "freak-out" is the right word is just semantics.

While we're at it, can we resurrect LaGarrette Blount conspiracy theories?

I just want this to become a big story because it has the potential to drive Simmons to an unprecedented level of petulance.

Troy Pawlameowlu?

STICK TO RACIAL INEQUALITIES IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM!!!!

I'm curious as to how much of the game you watched before deciding you were safe.

Hey, reader Kevin, have the balls to have Simmons on before taking his eyes out of context and e-mailing Deadspin. If he'd had any respect for you before, it'd be gone now.

"the oldest and best-known baseball statistic of all: batting average"

It would be interesting to have Ford et al do mocks where they assigned confidence scores to each pick. My guess is that they have a few picks each year that are based on more than just assigning to a tier and guessing. I guess they wouldn't do that out of concern for burning sources, but would be interesting.

Of the combined 2698 comments on those pictures, I would guess at least 600 are comments about how badly he got screwed from straw accounts he's created.

Remember when Magic was going to go on the BS Report to prove that they were still cool and that the report that Simmons forced him out was false? Still waiting . . .

So, in Floyd's world, you can't punish a guy if there's no video/photo evidence, but when there is video/photo evidence you can't punish the guy any harsher than people for whom there's no video/photo evidence?

"Preparing to start his delivery" seems to give enough wiggle room for them to deny the protest. It looks like Buerhle hadn't gotten a sign yet, so I'd say he wasn't preparing to start his delivery. Even though I doubt that was actually the umpire's reason for allowing the challenge, I think it's enough for the…

"suspended by the NFL for the first two games of the season for being the shit out of his then-fiancée."

What did Larry Brown ever do to deserve someone backing out of a commitment to him?

I don't understand why you're leaving player preference out of this and acting like team preference is the only possible explanation. It's still just speculation, but black free agents not wanting to relocate to Salt Lake City or Minneapolis — or at least charging those cities a premium — seems like a pretty…

"Sorry, I don't see much potential in that line-up."

"The world loves soccer, Avatar, McDonald's, and Psy."