Are you a fatass?

It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Samer: Well, that about settles it! Anything you want to add before we leave, Harry?
Harry: When’s my dad coming back?
Samer: Look man, we’ve been over this. A.J. doesn’t work here anymore.

Which Gawker Media employee is Harry’s parent?

Yo dawg, we heard you like pizza. So we put your pizza inside another pizza so you can eat pizza after you’ve finished your pizza.

“I see you aren’t using a Microsoft Surface. That’ll be 4 games.”

look mr sherman, i get that you are angry with how much power i have....

“You know, when I was your age concussions weren’t even invented yet.”

Original tweet: Don’t forget, EVERY day is take your child to work day. And every day is “selfishly annoy your co-workers day,” too.

[Tussles hair] Keep practicing champ.

sigh

Ummmm I believe he is serving.

This would be a perfect spot after a long day of fruit picking or having spent the day at a science museum that doesn’t take itself too seriously!

To me, nude dining means sticking my dick in a Hot Pocket, so this is definitely a step up.

I just recently watched Citizen Kane, because of the whole ”greatest ever” bullshit, and I have to say... It’s good. Surprisingly good. It’s a beautiful film even without the “for it’s day” qualifier and the story is surprisingly relevant even though it’s almost 70 years old.

My favorite part of the film was when Tom Cruise said to Don Cheadle’s character, “You can’t handle the money!”

You really don’t need to see it. Hell, even Renee Zellweger had her eyes closed through half the thing.

Stephen A: Skip, you know I love ya.

My dad has MLS.

The Griffin news sounds a lot like him or the team basically accepting defeat and shutting it down. I think the press release said there was no new damage to Griffin’s quad. So it feels like the kind of thing were he was willing to play through it when they had Paul and had a really good chance at reaching the WCF but…