Good lord, did Rick Reilly ghostwrite this piece of shit?

And for me to get so upset here, on the Today show, with you guys, means there’s something there.

Ted Cruz is pro-small government and pro-business unless you’re selling something icky that touches a female’s no-no space.

Yes. You were so busy preemptively shitting on everybody, you forgot to say something funny or interesting.

It's a complex matrix of factors. Did he keep his head down while running? Did he do "prayer hands" and point up the heavens, giving all thanks to God? He didn't smile, did he? Did he do any complex handshakes with his teammates afterwards? Also, the meeting is BEFORE *The Boss* plays his set list - got to get out…

It is unclear whether sprinting on a home run is a violation of baseball’s unwritten laws, or counts as playing the game the right way. A meeting to determine the answer will be held following the next Springsteen show.

I guessed “eggplant wiener”

Who Gat

And the UNC academic scandal widens....sad, really.

A good idea for a lesson

An equivalent to a free education!!!!!!!!!!! Think of all the potential earnings they could get with that! It's really the NCAA investing in the players, the players should soon be paying the NCAA!

Manziel says he and Gordon are testing themselves and staying positive.

HOT DOG.
Ice cream? Ice cream? What are we 5-years-old? You need the sacrifice of animal flesh for consumption to truly make your baseball experience.

“Oh cool, a novelty ice cream helmet, this thing will probably sit in my cupboard for the rest of my life with no use and will annoy me endlessly as it doesn’t stack on…

Sunflower seeds are a waste of time and spitting them all over the place is disgusting. And while I typically do get a hot dog at the ball park on the occasions when I score some free tickets to Wrigley (people pay to watch baseball? Ugh) I’ll admit it’s mostly because it’s something resembling a meal. If I’m hungry I…

Uh...where the hot holy fuck is smokeless tobacco?!?

This is pure garbage. Chicken Tenders? Classic? Chicken Tenders didn’t enter the mainstream lexicon of food stuff until 1983 when McDonalds introduced the McNuggett. Until then, the “tender” didn’t exist. I’ve never had, nor have my children ever had, a goddamned tender at the ballpark.

chicken tenders? i dont believe ive ever seen those in any baseball concession stand ever.

“Fractured an elbow while pitching? Uh, yeah, me too”
-Jordan Spieth

The only aliens allowed at Augusta are the grounds crew.

Hayes’s car was hit moments before the fender-bender that precipitated the shooting, and that Hayes was pursuing the driver of that vehicle.