Little kids take accidental dumps in my club’s pool like 10 times per summer. But somehow a bunch of underpaid teenagers, in between bong breaks probably, manage to keep the pool from becoming infested with algae and bacteria. Nice work, Brazil.

“he’s starting to think about security.” Uh. The guy has made half a billion dollars in his life. Seems secure.

you don’t get to write your food book, and penn holderness does “all about that baste.” the world is truly a cruel place.

“there is no bacteria in the pool and we elected NOT to test for viruses" — olympics water quality monitors, probably

David Ayer to studio execs: “I don’t get it. It’s almost like spending a bunch of hours psychologically fucking with your employees doesn’t produce good work product. Huh. I did not see that coming.”

i need that umpire to moderate my next family gathering. he looked like the dad, chilling everyone out with promises of ice cream later.

the sad part is seeing the next generation of goober children. it’s like the opening of idiocracy

he sounds like a guy who would spend eight days in a basement watching UFC with Adam LaRoche while teaching Drake about all the newest prepper gear.

Except it won’t because Elon Musk won’t make it work. His skills are big ideas and complex financial schemes that get propped up by taxpayers.

i would very much like to read the deadspin style guide. fuck you, associated press.

And, lo, I come bearing football. I bring it down from on high. My trusty lions are here to negotiate with your elected officials about proper compensation for my bounteous contribution to your culture.

+100

try ordering whiskey “with a little bit of water.” every single bartender will put whiskey over a shitload of ice and then pour water in it. it’s enough to make you go wild boar on their asses.

so has communist money infiltrated jason whitlock? he is part of the american media. where has it infiltrated him? there are many possibilities.

let’s give a respectful nod to sports sister, who seemed to bear the emotional rollercoaster with patience and class

i hosted a bullshit office awards show once. it was fucking hard and totally thankless. kudos to the guys who had to run this thing that your co-workers are shitting on to their significant others RIGHT THIS SECOND.

they continued the tradition of football guys thinking their world is so very important, LIKE THE MILITARY, that they could simply will a cultural change into existence

i never thought combining unruly fans, motorcycles and bicycles could lead to such catastrophe

let us rejoice and marvel at the sight of someone in a yankees hat being awesome. i mean, holy crap. a KID in a yankees cap was more mature than a full grown adult who was not in a yankees cap. maybe the world is going to be ok.

“Wrigglesworth! Get out there and tell them about how this guy assaulted somebody’s balls.”