well this comment fucking sucks, is the thing.

Honeymoon was a tropical paradise resort. Felt no pressure to do anything else but eat, lounge, swim, drink and fuck. Our room had a patio with a little private pool. The patios were private, so we would strip and swim naked. We tried to fuck in the pool one night and were like, “Yeah, water and sex doesn’t work very…

With its full name on its tee shirt.

But only if that baby is white.

Makes you wonder what exactly a “brilliant” director has to do to actually get fired.

The apocalypse has officially started

I started at 2:30, as soon as my hair appointment was over. It’s my off friday, I’ll do what the fuck I want.

I would take it if they found a different professor.

Uhh, Designing Women or tweens goths? SIGN ME UP.

Stoic Fred Willard.

Makes me feel a little better about buying a $200 dildo while being extremely broke. Thanks historical pervert!!!

.... I mean. That is literally the entire joke.

Google "jared leto hurts like satan" and have fun!

I was amazed there wasn't at least one Jared Leto story in here!

Only 3 hours of labor and she was pushing pitocin!? My vaginal, unmedicated labor was 24 hours, which is pretty typical for first deliveries. It’s almost like these doctors have no idea what natural childbirth looks like.

Oh, she fully intended to embarrass me. My mom is an asshole.

Women can be so creepy when faced with an imaginary boyfriend.

This advice is terrible!!! Contouring with bronzer runs you the risk of looking orange. If you're going to use a brozer, it must be MATTE and look for a true brown or buff color. Contouring with anything that shimmers will either have the opposite effect or make you look like a show girl. Don't buy a palette to…

Too much work! My hope is that my hand eventually turns into a heat resistant hand.