[leans into microphone]

STOP REPORTING ON TWEETS.

would that someone had harambeèd this foul fish when that he were begun to engage in so crying and execrable a sin as murther!

C) it is good that the murderer-whale is now, like Mocha Dick before him, in Whale Hell* where it belongs; deprived of the blissful presence of Whale God, cast into the churning abyss from age unto age

LANDO [wearing Leia's sweater]:
Ben It's all done, Ben. You've done your job well, and Mommy is pleased. That's a good boy. Now, come to Mommy. Come on. Come on. Mommy has a reward for you. Ben, Mother is talking to you. Ben, Mother is talking to you.
Come on. That's my boy. Come. Kneel down. That's a boy. Kneel down.…

that guy's stupid fucking photoshop ruined the thread, so i'm glad if he doesn't

"A fairy tale for macabre bookworms who’ve graduated from Roald Dahl but aren’t ready for Edward Gorey,"

is there a single comment you can resist responding to?

That's good!

why the fuck does this need another news story?
why the fuck does anyone care?
why do I still go to this cesspit website?

[wrings hands faster and faster until the bones are kneaded out, extravagantly wipes sweat-beaded brow with the resultant noodley flippers]

i mean, that's an easy one: making the comment straight is obviously worse.
unless you mean "worse" in the sense that it's worse to generate horrid "thinkpieces" or "hot takes" or whatever they're calling the kind of articles Katie Rife writes now about a benign joke instead of a serious statement.

but what else should you do with collaborators, comrade?

the profanity isn't what i object to, friend

if we've got to shove someone up against the wall i'd rather execute the sort of people whose idea of political discourse begins with "KNOW WHAT fuck this"

i feel like the comments sections of AVClub articles don't usually have so many unabashed readers of Jacobin in them

you misspelled "more fun"

The twist ending to this one was that it turned out to be an ad all along.

but how's Trump gonna govern now, without his viscera?!

"Feel free to cuss his ass out on twitter like I just did."