If only there were other things one could do with their short, precious life...

Why the fuck do you have a podcast for the gritty Archie reboot

“if we bring back Superman but make him evil, we can have a big action scene where he knocks over buildings but no one will complain.”

So by the time this movie hits theatres it’s gonna be edited into a wacky slapstick comedy with a soundtrack consisting entirely of pop songs and slide whistles, but it’s still gonna look like black-green hangover shit?

Jesus fucking Christ, it’s like someone designed discussion software specifically designed to discourage discussion.

I’ve tried clicking on like 50 different things and no matter what Kinja just drops me off in the middle of the desert and says “I’m sure Seattle is somewhere around here.”

I like when it tells me someone replied to “a comment” I made and then refuses to provide me with a link.

I know this isn’t what you’d call politically correct, but a lot of times plants falsely accuse me of sexual assault just for the publicity.

what if it was poison ivy from batman

There are so, so many basic quality-of-life features we lost when we moved to Kinja, and part of what makes it so aggravating is you can totally picture the sort of asshole who would say “Oh my god, an infinitely scrolling list that’s 60% cross-posted sponsired content with zero navigational features! It’s just so…

Oh man, if Jared Leto was an asshole getting into charactee for Suicide Squad...

Pro: A studio executive is more or less hostage-blink-coding his way into saying “We promise to dial back the vertical integration, hand to God.”

You know, Ramsay Bolton was a terrible human being, but forcing him to be on a Scott Buck show is borderline torture porn.

Okay, but you’re just nitpicking. So what if Jared Kushner has 30, 40, 108 undisclosed meetings with shadowy foreign operatives? HE’S A RICH MAN. THEY GO TO LIKE TEN MEETINGS A SECOND AND WRITE NOTHING DOWN.

I think the larger issue is that Ain’t It Cool News didn’t shut down 15 years ago.

I honestly don’t know how much of that sexism/boxing thing was an elaborate metaphor or something Austin hipsters actually do.

“your ignorance of the legal mechanisms at the president’s disposal to punish those responsible for massive and publically catastrophic fraud and, in so doing, send a strong message to a venal and corrupt industry is, I guess, your own problem”

I’ll be sure to send Barack Obama a letter on your behalf to let him know how he failed to meet your expectations of how a fantasy President should govern. Of course, he’s probably gonna ask “Who the fuck is Angus?”, so feel free to reply with a list of all your amazing accomplishments that prove what a better liberal…

Oh btw, I would say this is the worst time a gross fat guy attempted to sound sexy describing cunilingus and failed catastrophically, but nothing will ever top Chris-Chan’s “For Jackie’s Eyes Only” video.

When the Lord of Hosts comes to pour out His bowls of wrath, seated on an obsidian throne, He will read this post over the trumpets of Gabriel. And we will know that we collectively deserve whatever happens next.