I’ll tell you what happened with Trump in a shockingly accurate description:

With that many injuries he should play for the Skins.

Drew, this was hysterical. To go to all the trouble of writing a WYTS for a team that’s not real is simply genius. 

Well, at least no one’s dad died watching the Titans lose!

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

that’s cause you’re SOFT

Am a bear. Let’s make this happen. 

If we HAVE to stand for a specific song, and HAVE to put our hands on our hearts or risk getting jacked are we really free?

it would absolutely whip ass if this guy was eaten alive by a bear or something

The packers are not capable of putting anyone other than Aaron Rodgers on a stretcher.  I’ve seen them play.

The context of those seven words, which should never be uttered in that order, is even better.

But then what will this guy do?

Jexsonville Jeguars

If a WYTS Jaguars’ edition ever goes by and I don’t post this, assume I’m dead:

HEAR IT FROM JAGUARS FANS!

Yeah, Syndergaard is younger than Stroman, but he’s not quite as, ah...urban. You get what I’m saying? Got a real wholesome upbringing. Seems like he runs with a good crowd. The kind of guy I’d want my daughter to date. Sometimes a boy just needs somebody he can look up to.

As a Wisconsin alumnus, I endorse this message. 

Eat shit, Wal-Mart Wolverine.

I understood all of the words in this article and the syntax, but it still doesn’t make sense.