They got to “humiliate” him, and he gets to be worth $69 billion dollars.

To be fair, all he has to do is ask himself what his brother would do, and then not do that.

I mean, that’s a pretty standard response to anyone who asks if they can bring their kid to your wedding, when it clearly says no children on the invite. Don’t care if you’re a Cousin, no kids!

When even Gronk is smart enough to retire, it’s hard to hold a grudge against Andrew Luck

During the stoppage, Mokhtari asked the Nancy players to instruct the fans to stop.

I mean...of anyone in the MLB, Verlander especially has the right to be super protective over who has access to his cell phone information.

“They forget you've gotta win," said the Cleveland Browns quarterback.

Of course they’re not going to let him play with the same helmet he’s played in his whole career. A Steelers helmet would look stupid with a Raiders uniform.

What about Mark Davis’ helmet though? 

I can’t remember who coined it but it was definitely a writer who referred to him as a “spray tanned hernia” That’s still a keeper although I hope to one day soon get to refer to Trump as “our big dead president”

That’s not sweat its spinal fluid leaking from his pores.

Iiiiiiiin south Philadelphia with my mom
Up the first-base line was where I had my glove on
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ in my seat
And a foul ball comes shootin’ outside of my reach
When the only other kid who gave the slightest shit
Started out first and beat me to it
He got one little hug when he handed me the ball
McCart…

FUCK YOU, JEFF. MY NAME WAS WRITTEN ON THE YOGURT.

If you ever want to really piss yourself off, go check on Dolan’s youtube channel. He has all his music videos on there. For those of you who have not forced yourself to watch his band before, check on the one where they’re on dog pulled sleds. Just watch the whole thing and then feel the searing pain when you’re…

Suicide. Is there a shortcut this guy won’t take?

Eli Manning Dislikes:

This is really going to complicate his supreme court confirmation hearing in 2052.

Jack could use a shoulder to cry on because that bat is fucking glued to one of his.

Tim - are you ghostwriting gushing stories about your mom? Who do you think you are, Barbara Bottini?

Does anything think the Warriors’ quarter to quarter variances reflect poorly on Steve Kerr’s ability to motivate and coach this team to their full potential for an entire 48 minute span? There seems to be a lack of focus for this team from time to time (i.e. the first half) given their ungodly amount of talent that…