OK, but understand that the distance between cars is your reaction time in the event of an emergency, and if you’re tailgating me then I need to increase the distance between my car and the car in front of me in order to compensate for your lack of reaction time because I don’t want your car up my ass. I’m going to be…

“The salient fact of American politics is that there are fifty to seventy million voters each of whom will volunteer to live, with his family, in a cardboard box under an overpass, and cook sparrows on an old curtain rod, if someone would only guarantee that the black, gay, Hispanic, liberal, whatever, in the next…

Sadly, opportunities to use that image come up so often these days that I have it saved to my desktop.

The whole “The bodies were found near graffiti of a smiley face” thing reminds me of a book I recently saw about the “Lost continent of Pan” in which the first “evidence” the author puts forth is a list of existing words and place names that have “pan” somewhere in them.

No you should not eat the brie rind, you should give it to me to... Dispose of.

If it can be arranged I can highly recommend “Cat curled up on the pillow above your head so you’re basically wearing them like a hat, but not in an uncomfortable way” warmth. Super cozy.

There are more than 5 people in my workplace who play Pokemon go, if you have terrible taste then so do I.

Today I was playing a guy I normally beat 5 times out of 7, I made an early error and got my ass kicked because of it.

I play chess every couple of weeks at the library where I work, and the gulf between amateur players like myself and the pros is just mind boggling. 

As long as Eevee rides around on my head, I’m good.

I have been reliably informed by my cats that the correct way to feed them is “Constantly”

Boomghazi!

Back when restaurants in my area still allowed smoking there was a rib joint where they had live music. The owner wanted to avoid the “smoke filled jazz bar” atmosphere that might drive away non-smoking patrons, so he dropped the money on an HVAC system that at full capacity could do a full exchange every 15 minutes.…

I play Pokemon go and for the most part once I’ve gotten a given mon and evolved it I tend to go “Meh” when I see another one in the wild. I even lose interest in legendaries once they’re in my pokedex, but Eevee? I always, always have time for an Eevee.

I understood that reference.

The one time I ate at Hooters the food was forgettable and I felt bad for the waitresses, not least because at one point the manager cued up some dance music and all of them had to drop what they were doing and go gyrate in the windows for like a minute and a half. Who the fuck thought THAT was a good idea?

They also admitted to not understanding why Trump is so unpopular

My favorite one so far is the guy who’s a passenger and his friends convince him to get out and dance alongside the car while taking his clothing off and tossing it into the car. They get him down to underwear and socks and then of course they punch it and drive away because that’s just what friends do when you’re…

For guys like him the whole point of building a company and acquiring vast wealth is so they can be an asshole without anyone being able to stop them. And now here the rest of the world goes changing the rules and saying that being a gaping shit sphincter still has consequences even if you’re rich, no wonder they’re…

I want to either be a garden hermit or be rich enough to have a huge “wild” garden and employ someone to hermit in it.