Bridget Jones Diary

Cool, my very own Matthew Broderick doll.

I'd buy a ticket if Willem Dafoe was playing Harry Osborn.

Ever think you were maybe surrounded by robbers?

Spider-Man: The Sale at Penny's

Michael-Mann's The Inspider

"Snuff Film Movie"

Everybody's piling on like me like Jim Nabors at a hemmorrhoid convention.

"GE: With great power, comes great responsibility."

Uncle Ben will be portrayed by Joe Pesci.

Spider-Menses

It would be cool if him and Michael Bay had a movie-off where they were given the same script and same actors and we could compare how they made their movies.

Minus 87 keys and add some pubic hair.

My longest job, I hit a point where I was pretty much tenured. I didn't have any outstanding issues (never late, rarely called in sick) and I was just a no-bullshit kinda workhorse worker. But I got to the point where I couldn't look any of my coworkers in the eye. And near the end, it got to the point, where I was…

Mister, I'd like to shake your hand. But also, not.

I hate this, but most of my best work is done while I'm kinda being supervised. It doesn't have to be close supervision, because I do really good work, but if there's nobody around, I'm more likely to use that time to do research on whatever projects I have going on at home or look at the trashier side of works-safe…

Sometimes, it's just college students, but yeah, sometimes, I wonder how people can be biking around at 2 p.m. and they don't seem to be going anywhere in particular.

One of my old gigs had a fax machine the size of a fucking Buick. And it was only used for faxing.

This video was made over the course of 6 years.

I'm gonna need to eat about two cans of chili.