A child-free cruise line is a fine idea. But if we’re going to call it an “adults-only” cruise line, my initial assumption is that it’s a no-clothes-allowed, international-waters fuckfest.

The people who do these kinds of things and are caught alive - do they even get to see other inmates? Deadly terrorist attacks often earn one a stay at ADX Florence.

If they sing, I sing. Loud. And the setlist is “Henry the 8th” on repeat.

If this happens to you, there is only one appropriate reaction:

I know you wanted to hed this “Pickle Some Shit.” You made the correct decision.

Nope, it’s pretty much all whining and screaming.

I fought back by buying an Alexa and installing it in my home, which contains two frequently whiney/screamy young children. They want to listen? Joke’s on them.

One of them clearly expects the other to start spouting water. But which?

Do you live anywhere near Seoul?

Well ... I WOULD rather be shot than strangled, come to think of it.

Shit, I didn’t even think about Paddington! Please tell me he didn’t grope the bear too.

They were fake classes, so literally nothing happened. If nothing happened, there’s nothing to punish. It’s not like anyone loaned a nice car to an athlete or anything.

“...slowly giving away extraneous possessions...”

I’m envisioning some kind of maneuver that involves the driver wedging his ass into that little stairwell thing and holding it shut with his feet. If the driver’s ass is too wide, well, I guess everyone dies.

Was the bottle plastic or glass? This matters.

Driving to a police station was, I guess, an interesting solution. But if the guy slipped and got squashed, the bus driver is fucked. If you want to see shit get real weird, stop the bus (even in traffic), ensure the door is locked, and call the cops. Tell them a possibly armed man (not so unreasonable given the NRA…

I wouldn’t be surprised if that happens, and it becomes part of the tradition - everyone on the field takes a knee for the anthem. And in 50 years (if football and the US is still a thing at that time), everyone will think that’s how it’s always been done. Everyone on the field takes a knee as a show of loyalty and…

That’s the spirit! Get richer and move to a safer neighborhood, you filthy poor!

The awesome and amazing person I sometimes imagine myself to be would leave the door and curtain wide open, just for the opportunity to tell him - really loud, really clear, cameras rolling - to fuck right off.

Automatic = machine gun. Continuous fire as trigger is pulled. They’re not easily obtained. I know “easy” is a relative term, but compared to buying something like a semi-automatic rifle, they’re hard to get. If someone wants an automatic weapon, they can join the police or the military. Or they can shell out for…