Judging by your name I assume you’re not an American, so let me set you straight: We all wear decorative brass nipple-pasties under our clothes at all times. They’re actually plastic most of the time, but brass is acceptable for formal attire. Most of our clothing is made from rough Southern US cotton, which chafes…

Are you sure you feel this way? Try this: Read the article three more times, then meditate and reflect on it for an hour or so. Then read it once more. Then write an essay on what you’ve discovered. I do this every time I see an article online that I’m not particularly interested in reading. It’s a huge time-saver.

Hopefully Chapter 1 is titled, “Obviously Don’t Do This All the Time Because There Are Some Situations in Which You Damn Well Shouldn’t Just Ignore It If Your Kid Has Suddenly Turned Into an Eardrum-Popping Lunatic.”

Possible thought process for the people who RSVPed but did not show (Not endorsing it, just hypothesizing):

So CSPD’s “Falcon Division” is on it. Good to know.

Depends on what you do for your job.

I had to Google it. Behold:

Has Martin Short ever portrayed this man on stage or screen? He should.

Then they’d just say they smelled resisting arrest.

If there is any competence or control at all behind his actions*, I suspect he may be well aware that he’s not going to last 4 years and is now trying to aim his inevitable crash-landing. If he can successfully play himself off as a martyr for the alt-right/Nazi/KKK/generally-more-than-vaguely-racist crowd, he can…

Drinks and apps before sex. Actual meal after sex. Who wants to screw with a whole plate of food sloshing around down there?

Tracy Flick.

Like a fine wine.

While he’s on vacation, let’s quick build a replica White House somewhere in Baltimore. Staff it with actors who look a lot like his staff and never trouble him with hard decisions. When the vacay’s over, have the motorcade drop him off there. Everyone, including him, will be happier this way.

Then I wouldn’t be sure whether they’re saying they feel well or they’re hesitant to give details. It’s linguistic cliffhanger.

Trying real hard to imagine what the “TH” in THOTUS stands for, but I can’t quite manage. Can you explain? I am prepared to laugh.

You don’t even have to actually organize the events. Just make fliers and distribute them to the residents. The HOA will BEG to buy the street back at twice the price this couple paid.

1) Get together a bunch of very masculine-looking trans men. Big muscles, facial hair, etc. Manly men who have vaginas.

It is. It is now a thing. She’s reading letters from kiddos during press briefings. “Look at all the ways I try to make this a fun and light-hearted afternoon briefing for you guys. There’s letters from kids, there’s free lemonade, we decorated with Transformers stuff. This is supposed to be fun, goddammit! But…

I wonder if Spicer finds this amusing or depressing.