Woah. Blockbuster. Forget the lost N-word tape from the Apprentice - this is the thing that’s really going to shut the door on Trump.

OK, so everyone on the cup is green except this one little exclusive enclave of white faces? Like a little gated community? And they’re all huddled in the center of the cup, like a spotlight shining on center stage? I guess Starbucks thinks the white ones are the only ones worth paying attention to. …

Yikes, that Infinity Burial site is hawking burial shrouds for 1500 bucks! Would anyone really mind if I just had myself wrapped up in paper bags from the grocery store? Compostable, way cheaper, and it will remind my friends and loved ones to remember me for what I am: Stubbornly pragmatic, and never one to miss a…

Make the head coaches fight.

Still not as bad as the Lamisil commercial with the little fungus monster popping the toenail up like it’s the hood of a car.

I can see where this is going. If she calls his bluff and agrees to take the test, he’ll insist it that it has to be a piss test, and they’ll have to watch each other fill the cup to ensure it really is their own urine. And as soon as Hilary reacts with a very reasonable “naw, fuck that,” he gets to claim she very…

I don’t understand. Is the woman supposed to be doing a handstand or something?

The tie length is really the worst of it. It touches his balls. It should not touch one’s balls. A necktie should terminate somewhere in “the zone” (1.5 inches above the belt buckle to the bottom of the belt buckle, measured when standing). Anything lower and it’s no longer a necktie, it’s a codpiece.

You know, wake up early, get dressed, go out on your porch, and stand silently with you eyes shut tight and your hands balled up into fists for an hour or so. That’s what they could be doing.

He thinks he’s so specialized.

At this point, saying “both candidates suck” is about the least controversial thing that could come out of anyone’s mouth.

It makes for a very easy thing to point to when they say inequality doesn’t exist anymore. Because TV show.

Then scroll.

Don’t pick at it! It’ll never heal if you pick at it! It still stings!

Did he break his child-beating bone? No? He’ll be fine then.

His kid got it though. His kid got it real good.

I would like to thank the camera operators for that lingering shot of the young man flipping a bodacious bird. This is my new victory dance.

Well, I did specify “any kind of situation in which a reasonable adult would not want a photo of themselves posted online.” Any adult would be proud to have such a photo of themselves posted online, so I say go ahead.

Dear parents: I have no desire to see your children on the shitter, in the tub, picking their nose, hands down pants, crying, being upset, or in any kind of situation in which a reasonable adult would not want a photo of themselves posted online. However, PLEASE DO post photos of your child looking serene and angelic…

I was on the edge of my seat. Is he going to go the terrorist route, or make some quip about the guy being made out of fried bread? Shit, this cannot end well. Oh, bank robber? Yes yes, brilliant!