Please depict the Billy Goat Curse on the tarp.

Unimpressive game, unimpressive postgame.

You will eat your words when it is finally proven that eating Tumor Tacos cures/prevents cancer.

Our American Cousin.

Seems more akin to Magic Johnson v. Paul Westhead than to anti-Semitism.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY WALKOFF:

Running the triangle requires snagging the biggest ass in the draft. The Knicks thought that meant personalities.

What is her position in getting me a sandwich?

The NFL proudly shows off men gangbanging the IQ out of each other.

I love me some Bill Walton.

Peter King is a dead ringer for Babe Ruth.

Just like Santa Claus, Aaron Hernandez sits in the snowy north making a list. Unlike Santa's, I don't want to be on it.

Cryin Piccolo is premed. Just imagine her delivering the news that Tiny Tim's cancer is terminal.

"Did Bill Simmons Make a Fool of Himself..." is a rhetorical question.

While in awe of Steve Nash's accomplishments on the court and in the vault, he retires before I am convinced that he is googly-eyed.

This demise is totally fine. My superstar foreclosure is for the greater good, so it's OK. ARod and the Yankees aren't best friends, but hang out. You could say the same thing about me and my max contract. It hung around but then it evolved.

Fritz has terrible eye-mouth coordination, but might stick as a useful DH (Designated Hound).

Bobby Hurley nibbles on twigs.

ISIS recruits from these complainants.

Who has to be told this?!?