Why get ahead of ourselves? NFL Fan Abuse like this is reserved for Detroit Lions-types. Getting closer but not there yet.

"Michael Rich"? Is that what John McEnroe calls himself these days?

Zowie. The man knows his work comp. If he is as right on everything else as he is on that, buy his book.

In other news, a local cocaine distributor with a season ticket inside the Texas Rangers dugout just filed for unemployment benefits.

Somewhere, retired California Highway Patrol officer Dick Dick is laughing it off, as he is the last one standing.

So sad, and ever so much worse since his children were disallowed from posting on eBay the neon sign from dad's business: "DICK BUTT MASSAGE".

We know the chesty mommy. Mrs. Function's reaction to the tape: "She sticks them out there to be stared at. Men stare. Mission accomplished. What is the problem?"

Please don't let me know when Jumbo Diaz and his likely overly-ample significant other are likewise hacked and exposed.

When asked to comment on this incendiary issue rocking his hometown, Burning Man simply smoldered in silence.

They have to get married now.

See your doodle, Homer.

Plane-Seat Recliners make The Donald look like Mary Poppins.

Dombrowski just claimed her on revocable waivers.

Was going to comment that this pic of him is flattering, he looks nice in lime green and accessorized well. But I refuse to lay bare insensitivity.

Poor guy didn't notice 'Babe Ruth' was autocorrected from 'Bill Cosby'. I noticed just now when mine autocorrected to 'Babe Arithmetic'. Having settled that, I cannot account for designating Cleveland Indians fandom as the basis for rejecting Cosby, so I shall now stop thinking about it.

BTW, World, there was an NBA-family wedding tonight. Sum it up thusly: there is World and then there is NBA World. Theirs wins by more than your imagination can take you.

Kobe Bryant hates everyone and is annoyed by everyone. It is completely fake when he smiles or pretends not to hate or be annoyed.

Bartenders between Palo Alto and Ann Arbor tell of a middle-aged man with a pants ring and a Polaroid tracking the American Blonde.

This is exactly why I stopped going to North Pole Nips games.

Kluwe can now go back to being Ralph Fiennes. Pronounced the Kluwe way.