Why do you need a magic bracelet to manipulate people's luck? You could do the same thing by putting a tall ladder or precariously balanced mirrors in people's paths.

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I was seriously depressed for most of 2015/2016, and there was a six-month stretch where I lived almost exclusively on huge sacks of disturbingly inexpensive frozen chicken nuggets from the supermarket, which I would deep fry at home. I actually lost about 20 lbs during this period. So, I guess chicken nuggets can be…

Can't get buried alive again! Or maybe…

-_-

One thing that is bothering me about the show is that they keep showing characters washing dishes at the sink, and putting them on a dish rack…that's sitting on the counter right above a dishwasher! What do these people have against dishwashers?!?!

That's true…Star Trek has written itself into a bit of a corner. With the ability to create holograms like the Doctor who can function as well as (or better than) non-artificial beings, how can Starfleet justify continuing to send out starships with non-artificial crews? Or starships at all, for that matter?…

Well, I for one relished it!

I'd wear these ironically, if I weren't pretty sure I'd be unironically mocked by my friends and family.

♫ Miss Macbeth has a gollywog she chucks under
The chin and she whispers to it tenderly Then sticks it on a pin
And it might be coincidence, but a boy down
The lane, that she said "went white as he could do," then doubled over in pain ♫

He should take that bock.

There's room here at the corner where I'm standing with my face to the wall Blair Witch style.

I never sausage a great pun!

Those Motherfucking Robins Are On Thin Ice With Me

I hope that's not a raw vegan album, or Trent Reznor's gonna be pissed.

It's your choice — you can open for me at the Meadowlands, or you can headline at the Tick Tock Inn!

AV Club's totally gonna swoop in when she finally dumps her loser boyfriend!

You shouldn't make jokes when someone's emotionally fragile.

Pounded in the Ass Like an Animal