I literally just now noticed that two of those kids are the same kid just flipped the other way. I am forty-seven years old. I have watched that stupid Charlie Brown Christmas special probably thirty times and seen that GIF at least hundreds of times.

Even

“If he’s so white, why wasn’t he lined up as quarterback?” -Officer on the scene.

Look, we all are talking about Patrick Mahomes because there is a non-zero chance that he is the second coming of Jesus Christ.

That tweet deserves to be in the Museum of Modern Art

I gotta say, respect to the Madden curse for really upping its fucking game. No resting on laurels there. 

So why are he and KAT unfixable?

That’s fine. It will switch to cats eating corn off the cob then, with or without humans..

Once again, I am on the side of the person who didn’t use the term “disrespect.”

Easy now. Not all patriots are racist.  

“They don’t do colleges because their fees are too high for colleges to afford.”

Anyone else astounded that a fully developed adult thought going to a parking lot circus was a good idea?

“I have some quibbles with Rowling’s world building—how does magic work, exactly?”

Unfortunate that she was standing so close, but of course hindsight is 20.

If I learned anything from playing Mario Tennis is that, hitting your opponent is a surefire way of winning the point.

That’s a level of self-owning that slaves in the 1800s could only dream about.

...I can’t lie, I wish this would have been two separate articles. 

You, I, Mark Whalberg, and every goddamned person reading this is fully and completely aware of the glaring omission in the 90 minute shower description. I’m glad you didn’t include it, but we all know.

The best place to have a kid birthday party is a park near your house. Unless you’ve got a really uptight municipal code enforcement crew, you’re probably not going to get hassled having a cooler of beer, you can barbecue, there’s a place for kids to play, etc., but you don’t have to deal with the mess at your house…