My dad “accidentally” uses the accent of the culture whose food we are eating at a restaurant. Indian, Mexican, Vietnamese. And that’s less embarrassing than this loss.

I think it played out pretty much like this:

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

Matt was always one of my favorites. A lot of my internet handles have V1 in honor of that awesome gimmick. Jeff was more athletic, got the pushes and the female screams, but Matt was always the best mic worker and persona of the two, and reinvented himself multiple times and was just a lot of fun in front of the…

You're a Cheifs fan. You know what's coming. Your God loves the salty tears that come from coming so close but failing in the end. 

I look forward to Peter Berg-directed Mark Wahlberg cop film, where Mark begins the movie proclaiming that these dudes are messing with the wrong fucking city, and then concludes in the Spider Man pointing meme as he finally confronts the banner holders.

I love that those two tweets came all of three minutes apart. I’m picturing it as the “Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie’s couch” of press conferences.

“You are the biggest idiot on this thread.”

Rarely does one see a sentence that by its very posting immediately defeats its premise.

They’re on top of the world and are in control of the whole game, but can’t stop playing the victim card and whining like pathetic losers about how much everyone is out to get them. It’s not only annoying, it’s completely counterproductive, as they’re going to wake up soon on the bottom of the world, with no one to…

But he loves missing TD’s. 

Auto play video, with audio, that if you pause it, unpauses when you scroll. I think this needs more time in the oven guys. Or at the very least slow it down to ridiculous speeds and match it with indie music for old time sake.

I mean, you can call the “Terry Funk fights with the Undertaker while they make sure Mick Foley isn’t dead” part outside interference, and also, the first Hell in a Cell also had outside interference. It’s basically ALWAYS been a thing in the WWE to have outside interference in these matches.

Um, I’m pretty sure stealing a QBing job was the central plot of the original Ace Ventura film.

Remember, it’s Cam. For some reason the NFL doesn’t care if he lives or dies. I’m just shocked they actually threw the flag there.

Laura, you’re like, really going all-in on being the centrepiece of the next Dead Letters eh? Trump, Bills fans and Portnoy in one week? Yikes.

“LET’S LET THE LEGAL SYSTEM HANDLE THIS BEFORE WE RUSH TO ANY CONCLUSIONS”

“Great Moments in Poop History” eventually just became “Long, Boring & Fake Stories About Pooping”

“The NBC theme song for the football game was the last thing, other than some personal words from his wife, he heard before the transplant.”

Travis Kelce not making the roster is a goddamned travesty.

I don't understand. So many Bills fans were sure they'd drafted Tom Brady: The Sequel when they picked Peterman last year. How can so many coke-snorting, ass-fingering, table-smashing geniuses be wrong?