Did Kinja get hacked?

This guy’s post was a joke, not literal.
(But it IS damn funny!  And not at all implausible.)

It's going about how I thought it would, I just didn't think ot would all happen at 16x speed.

How popular is her act?

“Ah, Smithers, you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster! ‘No one’s going to pay a hundred percent service charge!’”

Just speaking from my own observations, Missouri has no shortage of mom and pop and regional-chain liquor stores despite allowing full alcohol sales at grocery stores and gas stations. It helps that the liquor stores are usually cheaper and have a lot better selection.

God I always forget Ted was born in Canada.  Makes his fake Texas persona even more unbearable. 

She’s allowed to say what she wants, and the public is allowed to call her a bigot. If no one watches besides Christian fundies, the network fails. Then DJ ends up relegated to Fox News, complaining about how the liberal woke media censored her. Nope. Free market principles at work. 

If we’re already asshole neighbors, why make it worse?

She promised Jesus she wouldn’t do that any more once she was out of college.

Ah you have to love the followers of the magic carpenter. If they actually listened to what he said the world would be a better place.

“It saddens me that the media is often seeking to divide us...”

Black Elvis, you say?

Can I watch?

I love how restaurants are trying all these new ways to encourage us to eat at home. 

Hey Candace!  Kiss my lesbian ass!

Likewise, it is my sincere Christmas wish that she blow all of this straight out her ass.

Oh that darn media! Always dividin’! CCB chooses her words very carefully. How dare that spoony media not relay every syllable of her and her Christmas fetish network’s bigotry. Dang media. Prolly a gay reporter. Amiright? I wish that awful media wasn’t so divisive! 

The network will still feature people of diverse backgrounds, but mostly playing trees or mailboxes, while the most talented among them will play the movies’ godless villains promoting sodomy and images of a non-white Santa Claus.

“Why is this so hard for people to understand?? I love everyone, even the sinners who will go to Hell for all eternity, which is what my religion says will happen to the gays. Now give me your money!!” - Candace Cameron Bure, probably.