Actually, Hitler would've been well advised to follow Phyllis's lead. Invading the USSR during winter was, as it turned out, a really stupid idea.

Did you get your $10,000 bounty up front, or is Jezebel sending the check in the mail?

I hate her because she's racist. But I suppose her flabby body is supposed to make up for that? Sorry I don't care that she makes other mediocre fat white women feel good about themselves but I actively dislike racists seeing as I have to put up with her 'hilarious' hipster racism all the time in my day to day life.

Actually I actively dislike her because she's an unrepentant racist who thinks its funny to mock non-white people:

If you try to take Nathan Fillion away from us...

Ah yes. That's what that hashtag was accomplishing...

Can we NOT with "spirit animal"? It's so far from okay. :(

This is even better than the Pokemon version of the Book of Revelation!

long as he knows enough to stay away from loose seals.

Posted from my Surface. Come at me Gizmodo nerds.

One time I got high and imagined I was a dolphin. I wonder if there's a dolphin out there chewing on a puffer fish and imagining that she's me.

The Italian statute of limitations also keeps running during a trial. Meaning if the defense can stall long enough, the charges just go away. Berlusconi used this to great effect on multiple occasions.

Is "pick your ducks" a euphemism I'm unfamiliar with?

I remember having my mind blown by the fact that the prosecution's star witness in the Amanda Knox case was a friggin' psychic. And I don't mean "she was a regular witness who just happened to be a psychic for her day job," I mean "her entire involvement in the case was that she used her magic powers to determine the…

Let's hope he knows that the blue on the map isn't land, at least.

It depends how concerned he is about a peasant uprising.

Two notes from London — first, Only Fools and Horses is FUCKING BRILLIANT; second, "suspenders" are very much NOT the same thing here. Suspenders are the things ladies wear to hold up their stockings, like in this picture I stole off the internet just now:

M-O-O-N spells tossed package.

"I know."