LOLwut?

...That escalated quickly.

I love love loved her parents. That line particularly made me crack up.

I would like to deeply apologize for the above comment. When I said “so long Jerkbags”, I didn’t mean to imply that the rest of you are, in fact, Jerkbags. I was suffering from exhaustion at the time and have deep respect for the Jerkbag community.

Regardless of the rest of the whole thing, Jackie’s father was awesome.

Better than Mickey Mouse (sorry the photo is huge)

There was a time when I was a really little kid when the working components of your phones were not considered your property in any, way, shape, or form. It wasn’t until I got older—maybe around 8 or 9—when you could purchase a whole, working phone and actually own the phone whether it was connected to a line or not.…

I lusted after the Phone-in-a-Box because it was so classy.

Yes, I want my own yellow macaroni phone, and I will pay for my own line with my babysitting money. I promise, mom!

Yeah, I had a bar of their chocolate years ago — when they first opened, I think — and it was pretty bad. I was surprised, actually, given how beautiful the packaging was.

i think if i heard the phrase bean to bar irl i would punch that person in the face. like im not even mad at the fancy chocolate.

I was just waiting for a “Milady” at the end of that sentence. It would have been the rotten maraschino cherry on top of the moldy chocolate.

I used to work at a chocolate shop in a tourist town. Almond bark, turtles, chocolate covered Oreos, that kind of stuff. The snobby assholes on vacation would get so pissed when they found out we were just melting down bricks of Peters chocolate and pouring it into a mold. Like they thought the owner of this rinky…

Why would you add pepper to chocolate? What crazy world am I living in?

I like their chocolate, but not at those prices. It’s fine, nice chocolate (unless you are fancy chocolate connoisseur, apparently) but chili powder and good packaging doesn’t justify 10+ dollars per bar.

Maybe smug is the secret ingredient that gives Mast Bro’s chocolate it's distinctive assy flavor.

“We love making chocolate, and we have the audacity to think that we are pretty good at it too.”

Met the Mast brothers at a party. Nice enough guys, but it was a birthday party and their “present” was like, 20 bars of their own chocolate. Some of us opened a bunch and shared them....never seen so many polite “mmmm...so good” grimaces. I’m not sure that adding pepper to chocolate justifies a $12 price tag.