Well not forever, just until chilipause.

“Honey? Where are you?”

When I was about 9, I thought that once you had your period, it was somehow a permanent state of things. Why this thought didn’t upset me really shows how little I knew of periods! Menstruating forever and ever? Oh well! *shrugs, skips away*

Neil deGrasse Tyson is going to be on Discovery at 9PM EST tomorrow explaining why Crow T. Robot is a far superior character than Tom Servo.

Spilling chili on yourself forever. Yes.

When one of my cousins got her period for the first time, she freaked out when she realized that it was going to happen again next month. She basically said wait this is going to happen again? Yes, cousin this happens again.

My mom convinced me that people could change their race.

When I was really young, like eight maybe, my family was friends with some neighbors. They were all white except for the oldest son. I was a kid in a super white town, so confused kid me asked my mom how white people could have a black child. My mother, rather…

So this is more like a lie I made my sister believe, because I was the evil manipulative yarn-spinning older sister and she was my gullible cooperative sidekick, but:

I learned from a young age to never trust The Man, but my sister must have been too busy breaking our stepmother’s unicorn figurines and blaming it on me to pay attention to that particular life lesson.

Last year I went to Europe in the school holidays. When I got back, one of my students told me that she had also been to Europe. She said a famous Youtuber (can’t remember his name) had asked her to go to London with him and she had flown from Brisbane to London, stayed in London two nights and flown home. I was very…

I was 10, which means my older sister was 13. I saw her and mom in the bathroom together a lot. And I was all WTF is this about? And more importantly, what am I missing out on?

My dad told me that cows have shorter legs on one side than the other, so that they can stand on hills and not fall down. He also told me that the leaves he was smoking were “Turkish Tobacco.”

That my mother was a magical princess. That all of her old ‘80s bridesmaid dresses were her old princess getup. That she had a crystal ball to keep tabs on us when she was at work. I was very, very touched and inspired that she “married down” for love, and admired her magnanimous toleration of her pushy mother-in-law…

For some weird reason, my father told me that if you cut off your belly button, your butt would fall off. This fucking fascinated me, and I would spent way too much time thinking about what the inner workings of the human body could possibly be to make sure a thing happen.

I need to hire one of those Hollywood people, damn. Who knows what kind of amazing beauty I really am, right? Right?

Don’t people - those of Latin and Mediterranean descent - (Italians, Greeks, etc) have historically have low hairlines? Rita Hayworth, who was Mexican, if I remember right, had electrolysis and lightened hers because it was pretty much like Theresa G’s.

It is. Her natural hairline I mean.

I love in The Simpsons parody, Sideshow Bob had LUV and HAT with the _ above the A to make it grammatically correct.

This is her serious bun