I'm not even sure who she is, but I give Alexa Chung mad props for that cool and composed response to a truly psychotic-sounding comment.

I've noticed the truly stupid are pretty shameless.

Yeah, like I get what that doctor is saying. I don't think he meant to "second guess" her; I think he meant to emphasize to other people in similar situations that they need to call 911 first because you could seriously DIE from something like that.

Who can resist the siren song of "57 Things Only 90s Girls will Understand"?? I'm not made of stone, dammit.

Most selfies are like furiously jerking off, but this one is just a stroke.

I just want to use this.

It's probably just fatigue but when I read "Woman Selfies Her Stroke," I had a radically different expectation of where this story was going.

Let us eat Irish children. That will solve every problem...also, relax, there are greater problems in the world.

Having four kids and an impulsive personality myself, I can attest to this.

Yes, I personally feel lung-raped by the unconsenting laughter that phrase induced.

But I feel like they were all inside the boat so it seems like the boat was getting some, just that the three weren't hitting her spot just so.

Oh, boy, Stupid Customer Stories!!! This is probably getting old, but it's obligatory:

Not sure how I feel about laughing at "holocaust of goals".

Well, there's nothing else I can say to that. You've clearly chosen your side...

This is something I would expect from Big Gay Owl at midnight in the Gawker comments section, not a newspaper.

I got a headache reading this. THANKS UBER.

On behalf of Australia, I sincerely apologise for our village idiots. I just.. I'm going to hide in a corner and pretend that her and I weren't raised in the same society.

I just assumed one of the people was a stowaway and there was an awkward moment when the other two found the person and had to decide whether or not to incorporate them into the sex.

It was going to have fun and it was going to show them all.