When Universities fail to protect their students, the glossiest of admissions brochures can't speak louder than the ensuing bad press.

You could always try baseless threats ("I WILL SUE YOU!") and see if that scares them enough to stop publishing.

I wish to study your ways, sir.

When I worked at the very chi-chi four-star Italian restaurant, I had a couple come in and sit at one of our two-tops. These particular tables were in small alcoves off a main aisle, and the only real way to sit at them comfortably was at 4 and 8 o'clock. This couple, who were deeply in twu wuv, insisted on sitting at…

Mammals seem more progressive then Alicia Silverstone... she feeds her son like a bird. A BIRD!

We felt that every woman deserves to have a foundation

I don't know. Ask Slay.

I just looked it up (I'm fascinated by etiquette). Apparently asparagus was finger food in England which is probably how that rule trickled down to the US. However, it is most definitely not finger food in continental Europe. Pick up a spear in France and they will think you are incredibly uncouth.

Ooh, that reminds me of seventh grade - there was a guy who was rating girls' boobs TO THEIR FACES on a scale of "plains/hills/mountains/Welcome to the Himalayas!" (In addition to just generally being a pervy shithead.) When I told our guidance counselor, he said he couldn't do anything about it if he didn't see it,…

How does one go about getting trolls banned?

It's also a lie. Take it from someone who represents bullied and harassed workers; the bosses who bully were bullies in when they were growing up too. The kind of psychopath who takes pleasure making other peoples' lives miserable were never bullied themselves.

So much this! My bully is digustingly happy, she has nice husband and a baby and a job. Bonus she found Jesus so her awfulness is totes forgiven. I'm mean I'm OK, could be a lot better, she just contributed a significant amount of emotional trauma to my childhood.

What made me angry about this commercial was that, for the most part, people dont get away with things like stringing someone from the flagpole. Bullying when I was a kid was much more verbal than physical, and even when it was physical it was sneaky. It was unprovable. For years I didn't count what happened to me…

the imaginary man you've crafted from palm fronds and dead crabs

This one makes the 90s girl in me SO HAPPY.

My dinner comes with a fruit cup appetizer! Why is the restaurant trying to sabotage me? Do I eat it with the tiny fork it came with or do I quickly slam it back like a shot of tequila? Oh God. I think I'll just dump it in my lap and hide it in my napkin.

"The potted plants are not spittoons" is a helpful tidbit that I try to keep in mind when I'm let out of the kitchen.